Gonna take your mama out all night ……...Yeah we'll show her what it's all about………...We'll get her jacked up on some cheap champagne……….. We'll let the good times all roll out..........

Dad's B'day Pressie
Printed onto Canvas #1

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD !!! I hope your day has been ok. It was great to see you open your pressie on Skype :-) hope you liked it !! Love you LOADS xxxx

My week so far has been pretty good. I think the news of the Kappa results have lifted my spirits slightly. Every time I think about it I get a slight grin spread across my face. A kind of proud one.... it's like .... I'm doing it.... I'm beating it !!! ha !!! I'm still slightly nervous that there's been some mistake though. I really need to talk to Dr Ben. I need confirmation that it's all true. I also realised tonight that I'm going to run out of Cycloblastin before I see him again, so will have to call his rooms tomorrow and see if he can get a script to me before next week.
Even though it's been a better than average week so far (and I guess it's only Tuesday !) I have been plagued with the same 'drugged up to the eyeballs' feelings. I've been beginning to wish for just one day of feeling 'normal' .... one day of how I used to feel three months ago before I knew any better..... there is absolutely no escape from the drugs. You never get a break from them. Even on a good day, it's not that you don't feel the drugs.... just that they aren't making you feel like either a zombie, a psychopath with a bad period or an emotional emo who just lost their last razor blade !!!

#2

I've thrown myself into work. And I have a crazy couple of weeks ahead too. Hopefully the good feelings will last. I start back on Dexamethsone again tomorrow..... and I have a management meeting in the morning, a client workshop in the afternoon then a staff dinner tomorrow night !!! The last thing I need is any of the above mentioned mood/personalities surfacing whilst in public !! I also have to go back to the cancer clinic on Friday morning for another Zometa infusion. I'll have to watch myself on Friday with that one........ I'll keep you posted !!

Part of wanting to get back to normal is also being able to get back to normal at work too. It's end of financial year time for us (well end of June) and we are starting to work towards the next FY. Budgets, planning... all the stuff I enjoy. It's hard knowing that I'm going to miss a chunk of the year, but not knowing exactly how much. This is the part of my job I really like. But when you don't know from one day to the next how you're going to feel, it's hard. And at times I also get a bit of "chemo brain" and go a bit vague and forgetful too ! Not a good look !! I still struggle more in the mornings. Dirk has been tasked with waking me up with a coffee at  least two hours before I'm due at work to give me a chance to come around !! Next week is even busier with all of the regional managers in Perth for a HQ conference. I can't miss that !!! At least we have Broome to look forward to after that's all over. Sun, swimming, relaxing, spa, massage, room service....... paradise. I can't wait.

#3

But above everything, all I wish for at the moment is for mum to start feeling better. I wish for her to get well enough to go home (from hospital). I'm pretty sure that she's wishing for the same thing. And I'm also sure that she's sick of being sick. It's going to be one hell of a party when we all get together at the wedding !! 

So not a massive blog entry tonight, but it's now 12:30am and I have to be up in a few hours. Big day tomorrow so I'm going to sign off. Next blog will be post-dexa days. Hopefully not too bad, but I can't make any promises. 

On a final note, thanks to all that have sent messages, emails and txt messages. Sorry if I don't always respond. But I love receiving them so please don't stop. I will keep writing what I think & feel, so don't worry...... it's all good xxxx