Tell the bar that we don't want no glass .... Just bottles and i'm buying everybody one each ........ Yes so bring the Veuve Clicquot ....... D about to hit the big 3 0 ..... Party like it's Carnival in Rio ...... Life's too short, Danny Devito ...... Yo, we live, we die, we give, we try, we kiss, we fight ....... All so we can have a good time .......

Hellloooooooo !!
For ten years !!!
It feels like it has been that long since my last post. It's funny how caught up in life I have once again become now that the drama has passed. It's like it never happened. Last year is definitely just a distance memory. I've even stopped saying things like "just think, this time last year ...." It briefly comes to mind, but is just as quickly dismissed as more important things come up.

Vancouver

Life is back in the fast lane. I have started traveling again (for work) Had a quick round-the-world stint to Vancouver - London (incl. a quick weekend at "home") - Dubai - Perth. Although the final legs took their toll on me and I came home with sore throat and head cold. But other than that all good. Not to mention the new suitcase I had to buy so I could fit my purchases in !! Note to self... buy a bigger suitcase for next time and take nothing !!

Dream situation !!

I have to have a rant though.... this morning I was on the way to work and this cyclist was all over the road. Weaving in and out of cars.... when he felt like it, he was on the footpath, when he didn't he was on the road.... and then, because my wheels went over the short starting point of the bike lane (literally a 15M long bike lane) he whacked my car roof and abused me. Needless to say my middle finger went straight up. My gutter mouth shouted abuse at him and I carried on. But it's one of those moments that leaves you fuming. There were so many things I wanted to shout at him. Like "make up your mind if you want to be a car, pedestrian or cyclist ...... you twat" or "you look like you've sharted in those ridiculous bike pants..... loser" but the one thing that cyclists have over us is that they can be off pretty quick and they all look the same so you can't report them.

Rant over.
 It appears I might be aging !! WTF ?? Yes how could that happen? I ask myself the same question every single day..... for the past 7 months I've had a pretty bad case of tennis elbow. Now for those of you that know me, you will understand. I mean, if it wasn't for my passion for school and work I would have been a tennis superstar !!  And my prowess on the tennis court on a regular basis has left me with a poorly elbow. I've been on anti-inflammatory pills every day, tried acupuncture, massage and physio, but nothing has helped. Dr Ben sent me for more blood tests and x-rays but nothing. So he referred me to a rheumatologist. I have now had further blood tests, another set of x-rays and an ultrasound. And guess what?.... it's tennis elbow !!!! I also have a touch of osteoarthritis in my hands, which is basically bought on by age !!! $1000+.... thanks for coming !! I could have looked in the mirror, checked out the crow's feet and given that diagnosis.......
On a brighter note though, my blood tests continue to be amazingly normal. Dr Ben couldn't stop grinning at my last appointment. I think I'm actually his poster child !!

So going backwards in time again, my work trip had some amazing moments. I was able to spend a weekend at "home" with my bro, sil and family. Unfortunately dad was away so we had to have a party at his house without him. I was able to catch up with friends who couldn't make it to our wedding in Jan. People that I grew up with and also helped mum in her last few months. It was also the anniversary of mum's death while I was there. I was soooo nervous about getting to England. I hadn't been back since before "everything". Last time I was there was Dec2011 when I surprised mum with a visit because she was sick. I was scared about the feelings I would have when I got there. I spent the first two hours of the flight from Vancouver to London crying under a blanket because I was petrified. But when I got there it was all good. It was not scary, it wasn't awful, it was nice to be home. It didn't feel strange..... On the Sunday we went to mum's "memorial place" it's not really a grave, and besides I could hear mum in my head saying "Don't know why you're going there, I'm not sitting under the ground waiting for people to visit !!" But I wanted to put some flowers there, and my sis had asked me to take some tulips, so I did. It was a gorgeous sunny day. The kids ran around the church gardens and it was happy.
So after a few sunny tears, we decided to hit the pub for some lunch. Perfect and just what mum would have wanted us to do !! After that it was back down to London for more work.....
.... and after that I flew home... via Dubai !! OMG what a place !! It was amazing. My besty lives there so she picked me up and showed me around. I have never been to a place like it. The shopping... the buildings.... the service !! LOVED it..... needless to say my new suitcase took more of a beating !! If you ever get to go to Dubai, you must go out to "Brunch" on a Friday..... I can't tell you any more...... just do it - you'll thank me.
Next stop is our honeymoon !!! I cannot WAIT !! 2 weeks in Koh Samui..... sun....sand and Thai food - what more could a girl want. Not to mention a wedding too. It's going to be amazing, I just know it. It cannot come soon enough.

 

But in the mean time, it's back to work...... as I type my hands are aching and my tennis arm hurts................................... but that's just old age !!!

From the highest mountain of valley low ..... We'll join together with hearts of gold ..... Now the children of the world can see ..... This a better place for us to be .....

It's getting longer between blogs. I feel like I don't have as much to talk about now I'm in remission. Until today... but before I get to today I'll step back in time, and fill you in on what's been happening.   We had our mini break to Margaret River last week and it was amaze balls !! LOVED it.   I love Marg's and can't get enough of those wineries either !! It was good for Dirk & I to get away, just the two of us. The past 12 months have taken their toll on us. Nothing can prepare you for the stress of coping with cancer in the family. Especially with everything that happened with mum and then me. We were all prepared for me recovering from bariatric sleeve surgery and getting a new lease on life. loosing the weight of a backstreet boy. We were expecting mum to get better, beat her cancer and then come out to visit us in our new house. (My first ever mortgage at the age of 41 !! - so grown up !!) Put the Gerry seal of approval all over it (and sort out every cupboard at the same time) I also had a new job, I loved it. I could continue travel to places I'd never been to and actually enjoy it too. At the same time, gaining more and more from my work, and hopefully getting better at the job too. But I guess life throws these curve balls at you and it doesn't always turn out quite as you expect. Nothing quite happened as we had planned..... But I digress..... what I was getting at was that Margaret River was a 'get-away-from-life' opportunity. When we arrived at the "retreat" there was no television, no radio, no phones and no wifi !! OMFG how were we going to cope??? BUT.... there was a  secluded cabin in bushland. Overlooking a lake. Birds and wildlife. A log fire. Petals on the bedspread. A bath made for two (ok too much information) It was idyllic. And just what we needed. Another three weeks in the retreat and we may have started to feel back to normal !!! 

We stopped at Bunbury on the way home to watch the Grand Final with some good friends (thanks Shopper & Bill) It was the perfect end to our break. No stress and a good laughs. Not to mention party pies, sausage rolls, dim sum & prawn toast.... mmm. The perfect accompaniment to footy. And as soon as we got home and picked up the pups from their first ever "kennel" experience, we settled back into home life,

Does anyone watch the show 'The Big C' ? Laura Linney and Oliver Pratt? I've been watching it for the past few weeks. It's about a woman who finds out she has Melanoma - stage 4 - and the affects it has on her (and her family) It's a bit of a black comedy...... I like it. A little addicted at the moment. And It's scary how much you can connect/relate to some of the scenario's.

Another digression !!! .... so we had the "mini-break" and then the long weekend. Sunday, we decided to paint our bedroom. For years I have wanted a "duck-egg blue" room. So we went to Bunnings and picked out the paint (or rather Dirk allowed me to select the colour I wanted) And Sunday, we got up and started painting....... But instead of "duck-egg blue" the colour appears to be "Tiffany & Co blue" !!!  Still nice.... but not exactly what I had planned.......

And then back to reality. Last week I had been for blood tests as I was having the most tremendous aches and pains in my joints. So much so, that they were waking me up in the middle of the night. I happened to mention it to my nurse so they sent me for blood tests to rule out Ross River Virus, Lupus, Osteo-related issues, Rheumatism, whinging etc etc.... Turns out it was just whinging !!! Nothing else. Which I guess is a good thing. So panadol and nurofen were prescribed. It seems to be a little better..... but not much !! It may be the extra painting etc that I have been doing..... but I'm not sure.

Today was BMA day !! (Bone Marrow Aspiration) This one was supposed to be a good one though as Dr Brad said he was going to perform the biopsy to ensure a good result. Apparently the last sample they got wasn't the best so he wanted to make sure this time it was a good one. We arrived on time and he was ready for us. After asking if I wanted to be sedated and then telling me I didn't (!!) we got straight into it. Anaesthetic into the area then hammering into the bone to be able to take a core sample out. Not the most pleasant of experiences to ever go through. But Dr Brad had obviously done this a thousand times as he got it over and done with pretty quickly and tried to talk his way out of any pain I may have been experiencing.  I have to wait two weeks for the results. We are hoping for zero cancer cells in the bone marrow which will confirm successful stem cell replacement and remission. After that I'll continue with Zometa infusions and probably 3 monthly blood tests indefinitely with Dr Ben.

We left the hospital with a small bandage covering the spot that he hacked into my spine. Dirk went back to work and I decided to walk off the pain with some retail therapy. Earlier, I had decided not to wear my hat to the hospital. I was feeling a little braver as my hair has very slightly started to sprout a little. And besides.... wearing a hat can be warm and just a little bit boring !! So when I got into the shopping centre, after the 5th store, I decided to take my hat off and walk around with my newly sprouting hairstyle !! It was the first time I had done this - especially without Dirk on my arm. I've taken my hat off at cafe's and restaurants. But not alone, and not walking around. I was feeling a little intimidated (it was also school holidays) But I figured "fuck it" I can do this. It wasn't until I got into the supermarket and some kid started shouting "MUM...... WHY HASN'T THAT WOMAN GOT ANY HAIR" that I started to feel paranoid.    Why is it that an innocent child can make you feel like a freak !!!? His mum did the fastest supermarket sweep I have ever seen. There were skid marks next to the milk aisle !!! By this time, I was too mortified to get more shopping, but too proud to put my hat back on, so I grabbed the last few things I needed and headed out of there. I got back to the safety of home, my pups and a glass of vino. And tomorrow I might try going out in public without a hat again. Especially if it's warm.........

We've come a long long way together ..... Through the hard times and the good ..... I have to celebrate you baby .....I have to praise you like i should

It's been a hell of a journey so far... and I'm pretty sure we've still got a bit of a journey ahead of us too. I just hope that it's a smoother ride coming up and not quite as bumpy !!
SPOILER ALERT....I thought I'd share a few of the grizzly side effects from the past few months in this blog. From my stat's I can see that I'm building reader group from a website about Myeloma called "Myeloma Beacon". So for this reason, I want to share some home truths about my experiences that may help someone out there that doesn't have the support I've had.....If you know me (or work with me) there may be some things in this blog that you just don't want to know !!!!

• Diarrhoea - I had diarrhoea for about 4-5 weeks after transplant. Some days were worse than others. I was told to take "Gastrostop" if it got really bad. I only had to take this a few times. TIP*** buy some toilet wipes. These are soothing and stop any soreness !!
• Periods - I haven't had a period since January (when I started chemo) I was on 'The Pill' and my Dr advised to come off it when I started chemo as it increased the risk of blood clots. So I came off the pill. I haven't had a period since..... not sure why. My next blood test, I am being tested for hormone levels etc to check.
• Sterile - It wasn't until I met with my transplant Dr (Dr Brad) that he mentioned I may become sterile with all the treatment. It wasn't a concern for me as we knew children weren't part of our future plans. It still makes you feel a bit weird though. I'm not sure if I actually AM sterile now. It's one of the questions on my list for when I have my final check up in a few weeks.
• Tiredness - this is such a massive part of my day. I am now D+43 (6 weeks & 1 day) post transplant and I am still extremely tired. Some days I feel great and back to normal. So I go out and do shopping, normal day to day stuff, catch up with friends etc. Then I am exhausted and it takes me two days to recover. My body aches, my limbs feel so heavy I feel like I can hardly lift them..... I asked my Dr about it and he said "completely normal, you'll feel like this for approx 90 days" He said each month will just get better and better - I hope so !!
• Hair Loss - I've mentioned this before, and to share real truth (pubes included), the hair on my head fell out in clumps (so I shaved my head to a #1 all over) I am petrified it's still not growing back and I'll be bald for my wedding. The hair on my legs seems to have also fallen out. My arms stayed the same (I am blonde so my hair is very fine and fair anyway) my pubes (don't read this if you know me !!) fell out in patches. Not like a salon brazilian (as we would all love) but like a work-experience girl gave me a brazilian !! 
• Chemo Brain - I read about this when I was on CTD (my pill chemo cycles) and thought I was experiencing it. I wasn't !!! After my big dose of Melphalan (at the start of my stem cell transplant) I realised Chemo Brain had really kicked in !! I was vague, I'd stare off into space mid conversation and lose my train of thought mid-sentance. One thing I didn't do was drive for a few weeks. And looking back, this wasn't a bad thing. I just didn't have the concentration to focus. It could have been a disaster !!
• Skin Flakiness - I noticed my skin got pretty flakey for a few weeks. I got lots of dry patches on my hands and feet and my skin peeled off. I went through loads of skin moisturiser. I was told before I started treatment that my skin would be affected. I think I got off lightly with a few patches of flakiness, but I went out of my way to keep slapping on the moisturiser throughout the whole time I was taking chemo (pills as well as the infusion)

Some of my old UK cravings

• Taste - As I've said throughout all my writing, taste is affected by just about everything. It still is, but I think my taste buds are gradually getting back to normal. I've had some weird cravings. Mainly for things I had when I was little. Also cheese & pickled onions have been a big taste zapper. And chocolate and biscuits. But all in small amounts. So not too bad.

• Eyesight - Three months ago I had to get glasses. I'm not sure if this is my age (probably) rather than cancer. But I had my eyes tested last week and my eyes have deteriorated more already - this must be the drugs - My optometrist has said we will wait for another few weeks and then test my eyes again to see if it is temporary before I change my glasses again.
• Nails - my nails have grown beautifully !! YAY, this has been a positive. I've not read anything about other people's experiences, and it may be because I haven't actually done anything like digging the garden, housework etc etc to knock my nails and break them. But I thought I'd mention it as it was a nice side-effect!!

Should I carry on my blog?

I can't think of much else at the moment in terms of side effects. If there's any questions (no matter how grizzly) please feel free to ask.

Blossoms in our garden- Spring!!

The next thing to think about is wether I continue my blog...??? Now I'm in remission, is it worth it? What will I write about? Will anyone be interested? Do I care? ...... so many questions. I think for now I will continue. Especially until I know what the next steps are, in terms of treatment and ongoing care. I  can also share my bridezilla moments. It may be cathartic to share the wedding journey. Also I think I'd like to continue for at least one year. So I have my year to look back on. This will take me to Jan 26th 2013..... so for now, you are all stuck with me !!

One of the things I'm really looking forward to is "getting back to normal" although I have a feeling things may never be the same again...... sigh.....