And you wanted to dance so I asked you to dance...... But fear is in your soul........... Some people call it a one night stand .........But we can call it paradise.........

OK..... I have some questions.....

Why... when you're about to have an important evening (i.e. an engagement party) do you break out in zits all over your face? Especially when you haven't had a zit for about 15 years !!
and why.... do I feel like I have flu coming on after I've eaten a meal?
and why.... can't my mum start getting better instead of worse?
and why... does every word or phrase these days start with a #hashtag?

These questions and more have been plaguing me this week.... I can't believe I've had a breakout. WTF is that about? If mum was here, she'd say it was stress (or hormones) .... but I'm not under any more stress than normal.... not really..... (my hormones are probably all over the place so maybe that's it) Lucky we have make-up - cause I'm going to need it on Saturday night !!
The food thing is a weird one. Lately, after I've eaten, I feel like I have flu coming on. Especially in the mornings after breakfast and after evening meals.  I feel weak and like I have the chills. I need to lie down and get warm, then after about an hour I feel ok again. Daytime isn't as bad.

After four days on the Dexamethsone (Last Wed through to Sat) the coming down this week was pretty bad. I managed to work through most of it. Monday I struggled through the day until about 2pm then headed home and crashed. I ended up working until midnight, but that was OK as I'd had a sleep in the afternoon. Tuesday wasn't much better. But the meetings at work were a bit of a struggle. Especially as they were back to back from 10am through until 3pm without a break !! As I've said before.... lots of notes !! Wednesday (today) sick day ..... I needed to catch up. I slept until midday. After a shower and some lunch I finally started to feel ok again. So I now have two days left before I start the next cycle and it starts all over again. Starting Cycle 5 on Saturday means all pills on Saturday..... going on past experience,  it should be OK. Sunday will probably be worse that Saturday.... if Saturday night goes well I won't care by then.

Everything is ready for the party.... I think !! Caterers booked, bar staff booked, tables organised, booze ordered, lights and candles sorted. We should be ready to go. Music should be fine, we'll just put a playlist on. And seeing as we are not the traditional type, there'll be no speeches, just friends, beer, wine, bubbles and hopefully lots of laughs.

I've also asked my sister if she will join me for my wedding. I realised it wouldn't be the same without her on the day. So now I'll have my two besties and my sis by my side on the day. Perfect !! I'm pretty sure she'll be a lot nicer to me than I was to her for her day....but that's another story.... probably one that's best left un-written !!! I will write more after the party on Saturday evening.... but for now, it's 1am and time for some sleep..... short and sweet.....
night night ........

I feel fine and I feel good...... I'm feeling like I never should .......Whenever I get this way I just don't know what to say ..........Why can't we be ourselves like we were yesterday...........

It's been a bit of a crappy week so far.... but not because of me. Unfortunately mum has had another setback. No matter how much you stay positive and convinced all is going to be ok, it's bloody tough waiting for the phone calls and updates. Never really knowing if all the news is coming through or if it's the edited version !! One thing I've learned is that bad news across the phone is one of the hardest things to deal with...... Mum has now lost one of her kidney's and has had to go on  a bypass for a while to get the other kidney back into shape and working again. Not a great situation but something that has to be done to get her better. But my god.... if there is someone out there that is strong, it's my mum !! She is amazing, her journey has been going for a lot longer than mine, but she has never once let it get the better of her. It must be where I get my strength from !! Mum, everything I've learned about being strong and staying positive, I've learned from you and dad..... We will get through all this together and celebrate as a family at a large event in the near future !! I love you both more than anything xxxxxxx (now stop leaking and read on.... it's all about me here !!)


My week? ..... drug induced, more pricks (of the needle variety - well mostly!!) and work filled..... Nothing much different really. I had a feeling I was beginning to understand the drug cycle of my chemo a bit more..... but then I'm not so sure. I think I know the signs.... but the goalposts keep changing. Some days I'm tired, others not so much. Somedays I feel fine for a few hours then fall in a heap by the end of the day. Then lie awake until 2am.... I think I've worked out that the Dexa makes me online shop !! (secretly I LOVE that !!) This week it's been a new doona/quilt for winter, new sheets and a new bag !! faaaabulous....Mornings are still the hardest. I find it almost impossible to start my day before 8am. I wake up groggy and puffy eyed (very attractive I might add - for those of you who know my morning state of affairs ... hair styles.... manner etc you will appreciate how extra grogginess and puffy eyes can only enhance that delightful morning Vixen style) 


I think I'm staying on top of my work. Hopefully people aren't bitching behind my back that I'm not doing a good job.I'm pretty sure they bitch behind my back a lot, but not because of any drugs I'm taking !!.... I'd rather know than not. At least to be aware of where I'm slipping. I'm making an inordinate number of lists and notes these days to try and keep on top of what I have to do. I don't really stop working at any time. If I have a break in the day, I'm still working into the night....I actually seem to get more done working from home at the moment. Solid hours sitting in my pj's at the computer is not as bad as I thought it would be. I'm not just saying all this either... I really love my job. It's challenging, different every day and I like the variety of my work. I love the industry and technology and love the company I work for. Not many people can say that... so I think I'm pretty lucky.The chemo really makes you forget things though. Even from one meeting to the next I can forget what the topics of conversation were about...... but maybe that's my age and nothing to do with the drugs at all !!! As I said.... lots of notes and highlighter pen.


I did another stupid thing today ... another sugar overload !! OMG it was just ridiculous..... what was I thinking. The Cyclo & Deza together really messes with your tastebuds...... and I mean BIG time messes. Nothing you eat tastes like anything. So I was trying to find something to zap my buds into a frenzy and satisfy me. Instead of feeling like I was eating a plate of tissues. So after a piece of homemade pizza I thought I'd try the sticky date pudding left over from last Sunday. Now last week I wasn't on the Dexa (just the Cyclo) so I managed to get some flavour into my mouth before it disappeared. This week...... not so much !!! But I managed to overdose enough to blow out my little stomach pouch and get a sugar rush without tasting a thing !! blluurrgghhhhhh what a waster of a sugar high !!! It was shitty.... feeling sick but without any of the sugary satisfaction. Like I said... a complete waste of sugar !!!

And the other thing we did today was look for a new car. It is getting to the point now that we can't take the dogs anywhere as we don't have a car that fits all of us in. I'd seen a car online yesterday (Friday) and enquired about it. I mentioned that we'd go and have a look at it this morning, but when we got there it was sold !! He'd sold it yesterday but failed to mention that on the phone.... bloody car salesman !! I was so angry. Don't mess with a girl on drugs !! He tried to show us other cars but I wasn't interested. On our way out we stopped at the Audi dealership and Dirk saw a nice A3 Hatch which could work. So maybe we'll change our search and see about test driving one of these.....

Miss T & Mr Q

Cake & Candles

And then it was off to our god-daughter's (Miss T) 6th birthday bash at the park. She is just beautiful and we love her. Unfortunately the party side was cancelled due to a sick filled week for Miss T's mum with Mr Q, so it was just god-parents today, but we had a great catch up and a bit of a play. A few girly giggles and chats. (with mum and god-mum to Mr Q)The boys talked non-stop sport (cricket, bowling - lawn bowls (wtf?) and footy) and we talked everything else.(shopping, sex, men, and stuff) The kids ran around and played, the sun shone, it was relaxing and fun.....


On the way home we stopped at the shops to grab a birthday pressy for an upcoming family member's birthday ;-) Got home to watch a very bad, boring and scrappy Fremantle vs Brisbane game of footy on the telly and promptly fell asleep for a couple of hours. Watched a bit more of our current TV show (Fringe) and that brings me to now.... 1:50am Sunday morning. Time for more sleep now I think. Tomorrow is washing and a few bits and bobs to do in preparation for next weekend's engagement party. I can feel a couple of trips to Bunnings on the cards for tomorrow..... but what's a weekend without a trip to Bunnings??