And if a double-decker bus.....Crashes in to us......To die by your side......Is such a heavenly way to die........And if a ten ton truck........Kills the both of us To die by your side........Well the pleasure, the privilege is mine........

So I'm lying here as we chat, and my old (new) stem cells have been put in !! Omg !! What a feeling !! ...... Actually there's no feeling at all. Just lying on a bed with a drip hooked up. I've had 2 liters of saline for hydration, phenergan (anti-histamine ... To stop the preservative in stem cells from reacting with me) my stem cells ( that smell like creamed corn) anti-biotics -Vancomycin to prevent infection.... And after that I stopped retaining information !! And I keep needing to go to the toilet !! Too much information ?
I woke up this morning feeling a little nauseous. But after downing a coffee, 2 x pramin, 2 x dexamethasone and an pantoprazole (ant-acid) I began to feel a bit better. Yesterday was a good day. No side effects to write home about. Just the frustration of the cvc in my neck. Uncomfortable and a bit itchy from the stitches. I'd only been able to sleep about 2-3 hours on Tuesday night. But last night managed to catch up with about 6-7 hours. Nice !!
Straight home from here and onto the couch... Will see what's on tv and wait for the drugs to kick in...... No visitors for the next few weeks. We even cancelled the cleaning lady !! WTF !!! Luckily on my "take home notes" it actually says no cleaning or gardening !! Haha ... Fabulous I say !! Now if we could just get the dogs using the anti-bacterial hand/paw gel i reckon we'd be good to go.
I've been told I'll get very tired soon, so will pause for now and catchup later.
This is all I have at the moment..... Just saying !!

I'm working on a dream ......Though trouble can feel like it's here to stay .......I'm working on a dream ....Well our love will chase trouble away.....

I really don't know how I would get through all this without Dirk. And I'm not sure I can put into words how much I love him and appreciate how he has been there for me. I know if the tables were turned I'd do the same for him (I'm not sure I'd be as good as he is though) ..... but it's not the other way around. And at the end of the day he is putting up with everything.... and not complaining, and doing everything & anything for me. And his support has been relentless since January. For any carer out there... I cannot begin to think how hard it is for you. Thank you seems so little for what you do...... BIG love to you all. But ALL my love to MY carer. (he won't like this mushy stuff, but it has to be said) I love you Dirk......

I finished work on Friday..... I won't go into it too much... needless to say, I may have overdone the "farewell vino's". Maybe not the best idea, but done now. Apologies have to go out to my work friends that had to see me that way !! (hopefully by the time I get back to work it'll be forgotten !! ) awkward !! But I had fun... so that's what's important right? 

Yesterday was D-3 (the format my hospital use for transplant day calculations) Transplant day is D 0 then D+1, D+2 etc etc. until you are discharged. It was an easy start to the week with just the blood test. I managed to get sorted after that, with shopping, washing and last minute house stuff. Knowing that I probably won't have the energy or strength to do much. I wanted to get my sister's room ready and looking nice. I also needed to buy a heater for her room so she's not too cold. I'm really looking forward to seeing her, and I know it will also help Dirk. Just having the extra support here. He will be able to go out and even go back to work without having to worry about leaving me alone. So got that sorted, and then we went out for a last "drug free" dinner.

Today (Tuesday) was CVC (Central Venus Catheter) and Melphalan (Chemo) day. I was a little nervous about today. I guess knowing that someone was going to cut into my jugular and then pour in a drug that will make me feel like shite will do that to you !! So I put on my colourful jumper and even made up my face to help make me feel happy and not sick looking (it may sound vain, but it makes me feel happier to look healthy) and we drove into hospital. As always, the nurses were great. I was taken to theatre "recovery" for the CVC to be fitted. It's done under local anaesthetic - not the most pleasant experience - I felt most of it. The needles going in to such a soft area was probably the worst feeling. Then all I could feel was the pressure of the wires and needles. But it was bare-able. Afterwards an X-ray is done to ensure the CVC is situated correctly, then I was wheeled back down to the Haematology Care Centre (HCC) where everything is done for Haemo patients. I'm calling the CVC my new jewellery, as it dangles around my neck, and I'll be wearing it for the next couple of weeks until I'm discharged.

Dirk was waiting for me with a muffin, as I hadn't eaten anything yet. I managed to scoff a little of it before I was prepped for the infusion. To stop the mouth ulcers and probability of Mucositis they give you ice to suck before, during and afterwards. My nurses told me to continue for at least a couple of hours afterwards too. If there's one thing I've learned so far, it's to listen to the nurses and Dr. They go through this everyday, with a variety of patients and situations. They Know !! So I have listened to what they've told me so far and followed it to the hilt. 

The day was relatively painless and we returned home around 2pm. Mav had decided to eat his bed !! lol... we had left both dogs inside as it was raining badly and we didn't want to get home to wet dogs !! We knew they'd be a surprise at home, we just weren't sure what it was going to be.

I continued to eat ice until just before 4pm. Then I called dad to let him know about my day before I fell asleep until 7:30pm. We had some tea and watched some TV and now I'm in bed... they also put me back on the dexamethasone (hence being awake still at 12:45am !!) but I'm also paranoid about how I feel... silly I know, but I'm also watching the Olympics so it's not all bad !!

Tomorrow is a "rest day" and I intend to rest before the implant on Thursday. Drink lots of water and stay away from germs !! Fingers crossed all will be un-eventful.....

Once again, thanks for all the messages, posts and emails. I know I may not have responded to all of you, but thank you all the same. I've had some great emails from people I haven't spoken to for a while, it's great to hear from them. Also from people I don't even know. I'm sorry if I haven't responded yet... I still intend to. But I hope this blog helps in some way to anyone that may not have the support I have, or is just interested in the whole process....

Anyway, as usual this is a late night entry, which means, when I read it again in the morning I find spelling mistakes and incorrect grammar (which I hate) and sometimes cringe at what I've written. But I guess that what happens when you share your personal shit with the world !!

Night, Night, God Bless xxxx 

The title is dedicated to Dirk - "Working on a Dream" by Bruce Springsteen.