Sometimes I feel like I don't know .... Sometimes I feel like checking out ..... I want to get it wrong ..... Can't always be strong .... And love it won't be long...

A Card I Received Today !! Brilliant
Thanks Lori xx

It's Friday and I'm home (yay) I was released yesterday afternoon and it was a GREAT feeling. Not that  I have one complaint about the staff and the care they give. But the food is quite bad and the boredom is ..... well just plain bloody boring !!
It was great to have a visitor yesterday (thanks Phil) I got the OK from Dr Brad that I could start to see people and not be as "anal" as I have been about being around people.
We had risotto for tea last night (made in the Thermomix of course !!) and it was "heaven" just delicious. We watched some TV then I sank into my bed and drifted into a gorgeous night's sleep.
This morning I had to have more bloods done. And I had to fast too as I was having one called FMBS (i think) which was a urine test then bloods. So I filled my bottle then Dirk decided to drive me in. I haven't driven for 3 weeks and  wasn't sure how I'd go.
Once in we also decided to go sand see Tina instead of calling her. She was glad we did and asked us to go back in a hour so we could see the results.
We headed down the road - away from the hospital - for a coffee, and I also popped into work to say hi to a few people & pick up some mail. It was nice to see a fe people and pickup the latest goss too !! ha ha! (and what goss I got too - omg) 
After our coffee we headed back to HCC and Tina called us in.
Bloods were good-ish! Haemoglobin was 105 (good) White Cell Count 3.8 (good) Platelet Count - Blood 210 (brilliant - normal range) Neutrophils 0.68 (not so good) I was almost neutropenic again. Thank goodness it didn't show up yesterday as they wouldn't have let me go home from hospital !!
But this means I am now back at home, have to be careful with visitors again, careful with my diet again, and I also have another get into jail (Hospital Emergency Dept) free card again. Damn !!! I was hoping for better than that !! I'm also back on the injections just for two more days..... sigh......
However, I am feeling ok so I guess that's good. Have been a bit snotty as a result of last week's cold, but I don't feel (touch wood) sick !!
This afternoon, I've decided to make a playlist based on my blog titles. Seeing as my theme appears to be quotes taken from songs, I thought I'd put one together. If anyone wants it, I'll attempt to make it public.....? It'll be a right miss-mash of music !! This is my 74th blog entry and approx 85% of my entries have lyrics as the title, so it'll be funny to see how the list plays (for me anyway)
So that's it for today.... I have been quite low this afternoon. It'll be mum's birthday on 28th and already I can't stop crying. I think I'm beginning to feel the pain of her not being here. I'm having "mum-moments" about 5 times a day at the moment. Probably because I have so much time...... Time to get better and get busy I think !!! I don't think I could not work.... I miss it too much.
Anyway, now I'm babbling so I'll sign off for the day..... 
Thanks for listening xxxxx

Just a little something for the pain ..... Hospital food getting you down? ..... Honey now I'm not one to complain ....... But this hangin’ around ...... Is wearing me out .....

My New View
I can even see MICROMINE !!

This is why I hate iPad for blogging !! I just wrote a complete blog entry and pressed save and it all disappeared !!! AAARRRGGGHHHH
I will try again.... At least I'm in a position where I have all the time in the world to write !! Still frustrating though... especially on the iPad !! Which is why I am now using a laptop with a proper keyboard :-)
I can't remember what I blogged before so will have to try again - it is now 3 hours since I lost the last blog so I think this one will be completely different. The only thing I did, was make some quick notes on what I'd blogged about, so the subjects will be the same, just different !!
These are my notes.... I'll try and talk you through them.....

• View to work
• Eyesight
• Needles
• Plastic food
• Tami flu
• Visitors
• Neutrophils 2.44
• C Reactive Protein 26 was 10 !!

Anyway... to get you up to speed.... Monday I had my bloods done with Tina (my primary Nurse Practitioner in Haematology Care Centre HCC) All was going really well and she was extremely pleased with everything. Neutrophils were now 2.44 and my C Reactive Protein (which shows if you have an infection or not was at 10 - it was at 84 last time I was admitted to hospital and <5 is normal) I mentioned I'd had a bit of a cold / sore throat but that is seemed to be subsiding and that I was feeling better. She did a few tests to see if I had a fungal infection or anything else that could be easily detected and we left happy. Dirk was free to go back to work for a few hours and I was happy to hit the couch and relax with the pups. After a couple of hours I started to feel a bit chilly so cranked up the heater. I must have had it pretty high as the pups slunk downstairs and lay in the cooler climate of the hallway !! Me however... I was still freezing. I grabbed a blanket, put the heater up to 27C and tried to get warm. By 4pm I was shivering and my temperature was 39C.... Dirk got home and we decided it was time to head to Emergency. We had to wait around 40 minutes to get through Triage.... no "Get Through Quick Pass" this time. It was in line with all the other sick people.... like the guy in front of us that had a stiff neck, or the girl that had a sore tummy. At least when I got to the front of the queue, they whisked me off to a secluded room so I didn't catch a sore neck or tummy !!!! 

New Hospital - PMH

I was seen by the same HCC oncall Dr as before and she remembered me. This was a bonus as I didn't have to go through everything all over again. I was taken to the Emergency ward and X-Rayed. Then they attempted to put a cannula in.... this didn't go too well. I had a student practicing on me. Normally this wouldn't bother me at all, but I wasn't feeling the best and after two blown veins I burst int tears and he decided to get his boss / Dr.  The 3rd attempt was fine. Then they wanted blood too - but not from the cannula.... that was for anti-biotics in. So the came to take blood. It now became apparent that my veins were beginning to collapse at the 1st sign of a needle. Apparently this is common with chemo. Not permanent. I also had to do a pee test. My temp spiked again at around 10:30pm so I was given seven blankets and two panadol and Tami Flu anti-biotics. We decided that Dirk should go home at around midnight as all we were doing was waiting for a room to free up. After he left I was taken to the Emergency Obs ward and at around 2am I was admitted. Not to the haematolgy specialist ward I was in before, but apparently the next best one. And at least I got my own room. Since then, no-one has been allowed in without a mask and gloves on. 

Tuesday (yesterday) was pretty much the same... started the day off with spike temperature and swapping between shivers / lots of blankets / panadol / sweats - Every 12 hours intravenous anti-biotics, more bloods - I've had 9 blood tests in 24 hours. But by 8pm last night, I started to feel better. 

Today I had my last lot of panadol at 7am and since then have not had to have any. I'm still not allowed to go home (booo) they have to wait for my blood cultures to come back which take minimum of 48 hours !! 

Another View - Looking back towards home

But my nurse (Tina) came up from HCC to visit today, we had a good chat, and she made me feel better. Dirk has been in morning and night. And today I've been able to pick up my kindle and read - although the geekster's I got two months ago may need to be updated again very soon. My eyesight is deteriorating fast !! I'm hoping it's a temporary situation from the chemo, but I'm not sure. I'm still seeing blurry letters when I read and have to have my font on large !! WTF !!

So that's pretty much where I'm at to date. It's Wednesday evening now. Dirk has bought tea in (YAY!!) We're having Vodka Chicken Penne (thanks Jo) because the hospital food is unbearable. Soooo bad. Worse than school dinner!! - yes that bad - although if anyone is looking for a way to lose weigh fast - hospital is the answer !! 

Hopefully I'll be home tomorrow and maybe over the weekend will be able to have visitors too. I'm clear of being neutropenic now, I just have to be cautious. Which I will be. Anything to keep me out of hospital......