You walked into the party like you were walking onto a yacht ...... Your hat strategically dipped below one eye ......... Your scarf it was apricot .....

..... I tried to ignore the fact that it was coming out.... I wore one of my hats to work ..... I even went across the road to the pharmacy and purchased some new head gear......but by the time I got home from work I was covered in hair..... I felt like I'd been dipped into a hairdresser's bin !! I had fine little hairs all over my face and up my nose ..... and so, as soon as Dirk got home.... the clippers came out and off it went ..... and I laughed. 

And when I looked in the mirror .... I cried..... The fun was over very quickly. It was definitely real now. There was no denying I had cancer. It's not like I was about to make a movie like G.I. Jane !! (I wish) I had a bald scone, and it wasn't going to change anytime soon.

I got Dirk to take some pics (we even recorded the head shaving for posterity!!) he was desperately trying to make me feel ok. Eventually it worked and he had me laughing.

The pets didn't notice at all.... I was still mum to them and all they wanted was attention and cuddles.... nothing was any different in their eyes - you've got to love that about cats and dogs, their love is unconditional and it's totally irrelevant how you look or how much you yell at them for eating your best plant while you're at work. You yell at them and tell them NO!! and they come and put their head on your lap and love you even more than before..... 

One thing that is annoying about your hair falling out is that you don't have a choice about the day..... mine fell out on the coldest night of the year so far !!! It was only bloody 2C Wednesday night - and for those of you saying "pah .... meh .....that's warm compared to blah... blah... blah...." It's bloody cold in Perth when your house is rigged up with air-conditioners and not central heating !!

Thursday morning came and once again, the shock of what I looked like as soon as I looked into the mirror ...... more tears - but there is a bright side...... the shower feels great on a bald scone and  my "getting ready time" has been cut by half !! I was ready in about 15 minutes !! fab-ness !! Hat went on and off I went. 

And here's the amazing bit.... when I walked into work, one of the guys on my team had shaved his head too.... he didn't want me to be the only one walking around the office with a shaved head !! Some people are so amazing. (Although I hated to point out that there is also a bald-headed guy in our team that we've just hired !! oops !!) 

I haven't quite got the confidence yet to walk around without a hat. I'm happy to take it off and show people, but not yet at the point of leaving it off. 

The comments from my friends and family have been the best though. By over-sharing on Facebook, I've been inundated with gorgeous comments. This really helped me over the past two days. 

We shaved it to a #1 all over, but even the tiny short hairs are still falling out. I imagine it'll be smooth all over before it starts to grow back. But hopefully by then I won't be bothered one little bit about it.

We're off wig shopping today. The hospitals in WA give a wig voucher to cancer patients. So I'm off to try a couple. If I think I'll wear one, I'll get one. If not, I'll return my voucher and not bother. I'll just have to see how it looks and if I think it'll make me feel better or not.

Luckily though.... 23C today and sunny !! 24C tomorrow too.... got to love Perth in winter !!

Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no 'hair' .... Can't live, can't breathe with no 'hair' ....

It's falling out !!! (My hair) Today.... as in, right now !! Yesterday it wasn't... today it is. In clumps too.
I was prepared for it..... just not today. I knew it was going to happen. I just thought it would be after the next lot of chemo... and I wouldn't be at work ! I'm not really quite ready today... I was preparing for 2 weeks time. I haven't had chance to practice my bald look yet. Hopefully it won't take much practice, especially as I only have overnight now to get it down pat !! eBay might take a hammering tonight.... get your hats online eBay sellers.... I'm coming !!! Hat donations also welcome peeps....... Oh well..... here goes I suppose. Now I must go out and get that Hermes scarf !! ..... and the clippers - gulp.

Piet Mondrian - Art Gallery of WA

Anyway... I am drug freeeeeeeeeee!! I can't believe how different I feel compared to the past 6 months. I'd really forgotten how it felt. In fact it's been nine months since I felt like this... in fact, I've not been this weight and felt like this. Nine months ago I was "post surgery" and still losing weight. So to be able to enjoy the way I feel at the moment is quite a nice feeling. I'm still tired. I've been sleeping a lot. But during the day I feel good. I went back to work yesterday for just two weeks. This is how long I have until the Stem Cell implant happens. Yesterday Dirk & I went to hospital to visit my nurse practitioner - Tina - She went over the whole process of phase two. And I have to say, she is pretty amazing. We also bumped into my Dr - Dr Brad. He was saying how well my collection went. To understand how the collection calculations work I have copied the following:

"How many stem cells do I need? Over the years, a number of studies have been completed to determine the number of stem cells you need to safely undergo high-dose therapy. The number of stem cells is quantified by a special laboratory technique called “CD34+ cell analysis by flow cytometry.” A small sample of the stem cell collection is tested for the number of CD34+ cells in the product. We know that a minimum number of stem cells to safely complete a transplant is 2 million CD34+ cells per kilogram of body weight. The number of CD34+ cells is checked in each daily collection and the number tallied. The stem cell collection process continues daily until the planned number of stem cells is collected – usually 1–4 days. Some transplant centres check the number of CD34+ cells BEFORE starting leukapheresis to make certain there will be a good collection that day. Most transplant physicians collect enough stem cells for two transplants (over 4 million D34+ cells per kilogram body weight). "

Giorgio de Chirico
Art Gallery of WA

The reason Dr Brad and Tina were so happy was that my "CD34 - Absolute Count" was 97.3 from just one day !! Yay me !! (They needed the count to be 4 Million CD34+ cells per kilogram of body weight.... mine was 9.7 Million - I think!!)
The next hour was spent talking to Tina bout the next stage. One comment that kept being repeated was " I'm not going to lie to you.... it's not going to be easy"
Diarrhoea, tiredness, sickness, mouth ulcers, indigestion, fever, bruise easily, hair loss..... these were the most common side effects. My body must have heard this and saved me the worry of the "hair loss" by getting that one over with nice and early !! Thanks body !!
So anyway... I was also thinking about my blog and once I start this next stage. I will try my utmost to blog what's happening, but the posts may be very short and also randomly posted  as I really do not know how I am going to be. Like I said though, I will try my best to share what's going on.

Black cockatoo in our tree

I have no idea how I'm going to manage a photo a day too. I mean, how different does a ceiling look day after day !! Another thing I will have to do my best with.
One of the most exciting things that has happened this week though..... and it negates all the above feelings and makes me happy...... is that my dad has booked his flights and will be coming to visit. BIG YAY !!! Soooo excited and cannot WAIT to hug him. If there is one thing that is going to get me through all of this, it's the thought of seeing all my family soon. If all goes according to plan, we may have a wedding to plan for January. This is going to keep me very busy and just a tad excited. But before I jumped too far ahead, I will get through this so I can get excited about 2013. This is my plan.......

Wahol

Note: I caught up with a very dear friend last week and we decided to go to the Art Gallery of WA.  They had an exhibition of Picasso to Warhol. I had a great time taking snaps of the art. Afterwards we came home and hit the vino..... I believe I went to bed around 2:30am.... to be honest with you, I can't remember....