(Go West) Sun in wintertime ….. (Go West) We will do just fine …..(Go West) Where the skies are blue ….. (Go West, this is what we're gonna do) ……

Date Night - Celebrations

It's been an inordinate amount of time since my last post !!  My last post was remission day !! Although I had been for a bone marrow aspiration and had to have one last set of bloods done just to make sure. The aches and pains haven't really gone away. My left foot is gradually losing feeling. I just have pins and needles and numbness in it now. Dr Brad said this was a result of the Thalidomide. Peripheral Neuropathy ..... I was surprised it had come so late. I stopped taking the Thalidomide in July, so why numbness now? Another question for my next appointment I guess......
I stopped wearing hats a few weeks ago. The weather is getting warmer and I just couldn't be bothered any more. After surviving the supermarket fiasco, I figured it couldn't get any worse than that so now I am the proud owner of a head of "bum fluff" as my dad calls it !! It's actually quite liberating once you get used to it. Nothing messes up my hair and I don't have to worry about colour, styles, humidity etc etc. !!! I just rub some sun screen though it and walk out the door.
So .... on Friday 19th October 2012 (which would have been my nana's 110th birthday) I went back to see Dr Brad - hopefully for the last time. We walked into his office at 9am (for our 8:30am appointment) and sat down. And he had the BEST news ever !! Everything had come back clear !! The bone marrow was good. My bloods were all normal, my Kappa results were 11 (they were 402 when I was diagnosed) The news was amaze balls !!! Totes amaze balls !!! I actually got up and hugged Dr Brad. He was also beaming from ear to ear. So that was that. All over.... he said he was very proud of me (such a nice Dr) and that he couldn't have been happier. I know not everyone gets as good a run as I have had. I've been extremely lucky for it all to have gone so well.
Next step is to go back to Dr Ben. Dr Brad was going to send the final report back to him and said to make an appointment soon - within the next 6 weeks - for a follow up.

When I walked out to reception and they asked if I needed a follow up appointment with Dr Brad I almost screamed "NO !! I DON'T NEED ONE, I'M IN REMISSION AND AM DISCHARGED !!" The girls on reception were all happy too. I had my Zometa appointment so Dirk left to go back to work and I went through to have my infusion. This will have to continue for a couple of years. But I don't mind that. If it keeps me healthy and strong I'll do anything. I may have to go on a maintenance drug.... Dr Brad thought maybe back on the Thalidomide, but after telling him about my numb feet, he said to really think about it and discuss with Dr Ben. As this was probably the cause, he wasn't sure it would be a great idea as it could continue to get worse.
I've also started back at work - in my new role too - Global Sales Manager !! Sounds very fancy hey !! Hmmm... I'll let you know just how fancy in a few months !!! It's been really full on since I got back. I'm still doing parts of my old job PLUS the new role all in 3 days a week. So I'm not sure if the total exhaustion is coming from my transplant or just plain old "back to work" !!!  Probably both if I'm really honest. But so far it's going OK.

Food at 1907

There has been a little bit of celebration too. Dirk & I went out for a fanTASTic meal on the night of 19th. We used one of our Engagement pressies (a voucher) for a restaurant in Perth called 1907 - OMG wowsers.... it was gorgeous. Great food, great company (my fiancé) and great service. We loved it. New fave restaurant I think.
Cricket is also back on, which means there have been a couple of catch up's at the club !! And then there's just the day to day celebration of life itself !! (a good excuse methinks) But I've realised that I don't have the capacity to drink as much any more. I just need to remind my brain of this fact before I fall over !! A challenge for me...... I totally blame my parents though.... its a genetic thing !!
Other than that, wedding plans seem to be coming along. I'm still not sure if I have everything covered or not. We went out to the wedding venue last weekend to chat about the day. I must admit, it's all seeming a little too easy. I'm pretty sure I must have forgotten a whole heap of things.... I guess I'll find out on the day.

Mexican Night - Ole !!

But I just can't wait to have the family here. Soooooo excited about it all. And not just my family, but all of my friends. People I haven't had the chance to see for a while. My besty from school, my cousins from the US, Uncle Alan, my gorgeous friend Maxy and her new little girl, not to mention my besty bridesmaid who was booking her ticket yesterday (YAY) from Dubai..... and then just everyone. I'm not going to bore you with my guest list !!!
Dad is on his way to us now. And this is one person I can't wait to see. It will have been almost one year to the day since I last saw him. I went back to UK last Dec to surprise mum when she was sick. I just turned up on the doorstep and rang the bell. They didn't know I was coming. That was the last time I saw dad, and that was also when my back pain started to get really bad too...... it's amazing what can happen in a year !!! But just to see everyone is beyond exciting for me at the moment. Just the thought brings tears to my eyes.
Just 63 days to go.......

Special Friends..... in stripes !!!

From the highest mountain of valley low ..... We'll join together with hearts of gold ..... Now the children of the world can see ..... This a better place for us to be .....

It's getting longer between blogs. I feel like I don't have as much to talk about now I'm in remission. Until today... but before I get to today I'll step back in time, and fill you in on what's been happening.   We had our mini break to Margaret River last week and it was amaze balls !! LOVED it.   I love Marg's and can't get enough of those wineries either !! It was good for Dirk & I to get away, just the two of us. The past 12 months have taken their toll on us. Nothing can prepare you for the stress of coping with cancer in the family. Especially with everything that happened with mum and then me. We were all prepared for me recovering from bariatric sleeve surgery and getting a new lease on life. loosing the weight of a backstreet boy. We were expecting mum to get better, beat her cancer and then come out to visit us in our new house. (My first ever mortgage at the age of 41 !! - so grown up !!) Put the Gerry seal of approval all over it (and sort out every cupboard at the same time) I also had a new job, I loved it. I could continue travel to places I'd never been to and actually enjoy it too. At the same time, gaining more and more from my work, and hopefully getting better at the job too. But I guess life throws these curve balls at you and it doesn't always turn out quite as you expect. Nothing quite happened as we had planned..... But I digress..... what I was getting at was that Margaret River was a 'get-away-from-life' opportunity. When we arrived at the "retreat" there was no television, no radio, no phones and no wifi !! OMFG how were we going to cope??? BUT.... there was a  secluded cabin in bushland. Overlooking a lake. Birds and wildlife. A log fire. Petals on the bedspread. A bath made for two (ok too much information) It was idyllic. And just what we needed. Another three weeks in the retreat and we may have started to feel back to normal !!! 

We stopped at Bunbury on the way home to watch the Grand Final with some good friends (thanks Shopper & Bill) It was the perfect end to our break. No stress and a good laughs. Not to mention party pies, sausage rolls, dim sum & prawn toast.... mmm. The perfect accompaniment to footy. And as soon as we got home and picked up the pups from their first ever "kennel" experience, we settled back into home life,

Does anyone watch the show 'The Big C' ? Laura Linney and Oliver Pratt? I've been watching it for the past few weeks. It's about a woman who finds out she has Melanoma - stage 4 - and the affects it has on her (and her family) It's a bit of a black comedy...... I like it. A little addicted at the moment. And It's scary how much you can connect/relate to some of the scenario's.

Another digression !!! .... so we had the "mini-break" and then the long weekend. Sunday, we decided to paint our bedroom. For years I have wanted a "duck-egg blue" room. So we went to Bunnings and picked out the paint (or rather Dirk allowed me to select the colour I wanted) And Sunday, we got up and started painting....... But instead of "duck-egg blue" the colour appears to be "Tiffany & Co blue" !!!  Still nice.... but not exactly what I had planned.......

And then back to reality. Last week I had been for blood tests as I was having the most tremendous aches and pains in my joints. So much so, that they were waking me up in the middle of the night. I happened to mention it to my nurse so they sent me for blood tests to rule out Ross River Virus, Lupus, Osteo-related issues, Rheumatism, whinging etc etc.... Turns out it was just whinging !!! Nothing else. Which I guess is a good thing. So panadol and nurofen were prescribed. It seems to be a little better..... but not much !! It may be the extra painting etc that I have been doing..... but I'm not sure.

Today was BMA day !! (Bone Marrow Aspiration) This one was supposed to be a good one though as Dr Brad said he was going to perform the biopsy to ensure a good result. Apparently the last sample they got wasn't the best so he wanted to make sure this time it was a good one. We arrived on time and he was ready for us. After asking if I wanted to be sedated and then telling me I didn't (!!) we got straight into it. Anaesthetic into the area then hammering into the bone to be able to take a core sample out. Not the most pleasant of experiences to ever go through. But Dr Brad had obviously done this a thousand times as he got it over and done with pretty quickly and tried to talk his way out of any pain I may have been experiencing.  I have to wait two weeks for the results. We are hoping for zero cancer cells in the bone marrow which will confirm successful stem cell replacement and remission. After that I'll continue with Zometa infusions and probably 3 monthly blood tests indefinitely with Dr Ben.

We left the hospital with a small bandage covering the spot that he hacked into my spine. Dirk went back to work and I decided to walk off the pain with some retail therapy. Earlier, I had decided not to wear my hat to the hospital. I was feeling a little braver as my hair has very slightly started to sprout a little. And besides.... wearing a hat can be warm and just a little bit boring !! So when I got into the shopping centre, after the 5th store, I decided to take my hat off and walk around with my newly sprouting hairstyle !! It was the first time I had done this - especially without Dirk on my arm. I've taken my hat off at cafe's and restaurants. But not alone, and not walking around. I was feeling a little intimidated (it was also school holidays) But I figured "fuck it" I can do this. It wasn't until I got into the supermarket and some kid started shouting "MUM...... WHY HASN'T THAT WOMAN GOT ANY HAIR" that I started to feel paranoid.    Why is it that an innocent child can make you feel like a freak !!!? His mum did the fastest supermarket sweep I have ever seen. There were skid marks next to the milk aisle !!! By this time, I was too mortified to get more shopping, but too proud to put my hat back on, so I grabbed the last few things I needed and headed out of there. I got back to the safety of home, my pups and a glass of vino. And tomorrow I might try going out in public without a hat again. Especially if it's warm.........

Look, if you had one shot, one opportunity ..... To seize everything you ever wanted in one moment ..... Would you capture it or just let it slip? .....

Once upon a time there lived a beautiful princess bride who lived in a castle on a hill...... this bride was happy as she had been a bit sick recently, but now all was going well and she was feeling better and getting better every day. Her prince charming had proposed to her, and preparations for their beautiful wedding were under way.....

Then one day, unbeknownst to the princess bride, a wicked spell was cast upon her and she was turned into Bridezilla !!!! ..... WTF has happened to me.... I vowed I wouldn't be a bridezilla, and yet here I am.... biting the head off my prince charming. This isn't how I planned it. I need to take a deep breath and calm the f@#k down!! Last night I lost it, trying to tell Dirk what to do and when he questioned me, I yelled at him and told him he had no interest in our wedding !! 

I cried all night, if my mum were here, she'd be able to talk me through it. I'd be able to talk out my frustrations with her and we'd end up laughing and she would have all the answers I need..... Dirk was upset and angry with me so he quickly went to sleep with his back turned my way. I lay awake and switched on scrabble on my iPad. The first word that came up on my tiles was "sorry" .... a sign?? yep I think so. Mum must be around me after all !! More tears and then sleep. I did apologise this morning and after more tears felt a little better. Hopefully Dirk does too.

Wedding Invites w/ wedding stamps

I don't know about you, but when I'm feeling guilty and have been in trouble, I withdraw afterwards. I go quiet and find it difficult to get back to normal. It must be the guilt. The fear of appearing that you are too quick to forget how bad you've been, and therefore must not be so sorry...... Don't you just love how our minds work ??!!! 

Health-wise... I've been pretty good. Getting stronger everyday. But I've been experiencing body aches and pains. Around my joints. The aches wake me up at night. I called my nurse and asked if this was normal. She said no, and so I went for blood tests again last week (Friday) They came back all ok and normal looking. But I have a check up appointment tomorrow, just in case. Hopefully it's all just my body getting back to normal, my new bone marrow filling up in my bones and me getting stronger. I'll keep you posted.

I'm still not back at work. I don't think I can stretch this sickness thing out too much longer !! As I get stronger I will have to think about getting back into the rat race. I must be getting close to getting back as I've started to bite my nails again. This is usually a sign of me thinking about work stuff !! So far only one finger has been bitten !! Nine more fingers to go before I go back....but it's a start !! I'm not sure our bank balance can hold out much longer anyway..... I also need my hair to start growing. It's doing my head in so badly as I can't see it growing yet. People are very nice and tell me how good I look without hair, but all I see when I look in the mirror, is a cancer patient. Bald. And I don't feel confident or pretty. The weather is also getting warmer and hats are so warm. I just want to see it start growing.... that's not too much to ask is it? It's been about 10 weeks since it fell out. And 7 1/2 weeks since my last chemo. 

Chicken & Mushroom Pie

We were given a getaway to Margaret River for our engagement earlier this year and have decided to use it. Soooo looking forward to getting away for a couple of days. It'll be good for this bridezilla to get away with her prince charming and forget about everything wedding !!! We may even get to take in a couple of Margaret River wineries.... mmmm.

And so, this is where I'm at this week. Some good... some not so good. But in general happy. And more than anything excited beyond belief about seeing my dad and the rest of our friends and family in about 15 weeks. All together......

Well time to get back to my pie making... I made some chicken and mushrooms pies on Friday, they went down so well I'm making another batch. Will pop then in the freezer for those days when we can't be bothered to cook tea.

We've come a long long way together ..... Through the hard times and the good ..... I have to celebrate you baby .....I have to praise you like i should

It's been a hell of a journey so far... and I'm pretty sure we've still got a bit of a journey ahead of us too. I just hope that it's a smoother ride coming up and not quite as bumpy !!
SPOILER ALERT....I thought I'd share a few of the grizzly side effects from the past few months in this blog. From my stat's I can see that I'm building reader group from a website about Myeloma called "Myeloma Beacon". So for this reason, I want to share some home truths about my experiences that may help someone out there that doesn't have the support I've had.....If you know me (or work with me) there may be some things in this blog that you just don't want to know !!!!

• Diarrhoea - I had diarrhoea for about 4-5 weeks after transplant. Some days were worse than others. I was told to take "Gastrostop" if it got really bad. I only had to take this a few times. TIP*** buy some toilet wipes. These are soothing and stop any soreness !!
• Periods - I haven't had a period since January (when I started chemo) I was on 'The Pill' and my Dr advised to come off it when I started chemo as it increased the risk of blood clots. So I came off the pill. I haven't had a period since..... not sure why. My next blood test, I am being tested for hormone levels etc to check.
• Sterile - It wasn't until I met with my transplant Dr (Dr Brad) that he mentioned I may become sterile with all the treatment. It wasn't a concern for me as we knew children weren't part of our future plans. It still makes you feel a bit weird though. I'm not sure if I actually AM sterile now. It's one of the questions on my list for when I have my final check up in a few weeks.
• Tiredness - this is such a massive part of my day. I am now D+43 (6 weeks & 1 day) post transplant and I am still extremely tired. Some days I feel great and back to normal. So I go out and do shopping, normal day to day stuff, catch up with friends etc. Then I am exhausted and it takes me two days to recover. My body aches, my limbs feel so heavy I feel like I can hardly lift them..... I asked my Dr about it and he said "completely normal, you'll feel like this for approx 90 days" He said each month will just get better and better - I hope so !!
• Hair Loss - I've mentioned this before, and to share real truth (pubes included), the hair on my head fell out in clumps (so I shaved my head to a #1 all over) I am petrified it's still not growing back and I'll be bald for my wedding. The hair on my legs seems to have also fallen out. My arms stayed the same (I am blonde so my hair is very fine and fair anyway) my pubes (don't read this if you know me !!) fell out in patches. Not like a salon brazilian (as we would all love) but like a work-experience girl gave me a brazilian !! 
• Chemo Brain - I read about this when I was on CTD (my pill chemo cycles) and thought I was experiencing it. I wasn't !!! After my big dose of Melphalan (at the start of my stem cell transplant) I realised Chemo Brain had really kicked in !! I was vague, I'd stare off into space mid conversation and lose my train of thought mid-sentance. One thing I didn't do was drive for a few weeks. And looking back, this wasn't a bad thing. I just didn't have the concentration to focus. It could have been a disaster !!
• Skin Flakiness - I noticed my skin got pretty flakey for a few weeks. I got lots of dry patches on my hands and feet and my skin peeled off. I went through loads of skin moisturiser. I was told before I started treatment that my skin would be affected. I think I got off lightly with a few patches of flakiness, but I went out of my way to keep slapping on the moisturiser throughout the whole time I was taking chemo (pills as well as the infusion)

Some of my old UK cravings

• Taste - As I've said throughout all my writing, taste is affected by just about everything. It still is, but I think my taste buds are gradually getting back to normal. I've had some weird cravings. Mainly for things I had when I was little. Also cheese & pickled onions have been a big taste zapper. And chocolate and biscuits. But all in small amounts. So not too bad.

• Eyesight - Three months ago I had to get glasses. I'm not sure if this is my age (probably) rather than cancer. But I had my eyes tested last week and my eyes have deteriorated more already - this must be the drugs - My optometrist has said we will wait for another few weeks and then test my eyes again to see if it is temporary before I change my glasses again.
• Nails - my nails have grown beautifully !! YAY, this has been a positive. I've not read anything about other people's experiences, and it may be because I haven't actually done anything like digging the garden, housework etc etc to knock my nails and break them. But I thought I'd mention it as it was a nice side-effect!!

Should I carry on my blog?

I can't think of much else at the moment in terms of side effects. If there's any questions (no matter how grizzly) please feel free to ask.

Blossoms in our garden- Spring!!

The next thing to think about is wether I continue my blog...??? Now I'm in remission, is it worth it? What will I write about? Will anyone be interested? Do I care? ...... so many questions. I think for now I will continue. Especially until I know what the next steps are, in terms of treatment and ongoing care. I  can also share my bridezilla moments. It may be cathartic to share the wedding journey. Also I think I'd like to continue for at least one year. So I have my year to look back on. This will take me to Jan 26th 2013..... so for now, you are all stuck with me !!

One of the things I'm really looking forward to is "getting back to normal" although I have a feeling things may never be the same again...... sigh.....

And you light up my life .....You give me hope, to carry on. ..... You light up my days .....And fill my nights with song......You, You light up my life ..... You give me hope to carry on

Thursday 6th September 2012 - 11:59pm - Tomorrow is the day I get to find out if I'll be released from hospital and Dr Brad and say "cya" for at least (I hope) 10 years !! I have my appointment in 9 hours to be precise. I had my Zometa infusion on Tuesday and it all went easily enough. Nothing to it. Quick jab in the wrist, infusion in, flush out and I was out of there in 20 mins. Except I saw a friend who was just starting his transplant so stopped for a chat. We started off together and harvested the same day, but he has only just started his transplant now. If all goes as well as mine, he'll be feeling good in about 2-3weeks.
It's been a busy week. Getting back into stuff. I've been into work to talk to MD & CEO about returning to work. Not yet, but will be bored shitless soon enough and wanting to start some work stuff, so we discussed these options. Also doing wedding stuff - I'm getting some flashes of bridezilla already !! We've been working on the invites and I've been looking for the bridesmaid dresses. I won't say too much though as don't want to give any surprises away. But it's been ...... well, lets just say, it's been. And leave it at that !!
Actually, I'm too tired to finish now, so am going to sleep and will finish tomorrow after seeing the Dr. Hopefully will have more to add.......

My Beautiful New Niece

Friday 7th September 2012 - 09:26am (AWST)  NEWS !!  I am officially in remission !! YAY
Friday 7th September 2012 - 02:26am (BST) NEWS !! Isobel Emily Austin born !! I'm an aunty again YAY !!

What a day .... totes amaze-balls (told you I'd get that in my blog Callie ;-) so excited, and couldn't be happier.
So just to re-cap, I had my appointment this morning. We were a bit late as there was a crash on the way in, so we had to detour. Instead of 9am we ended up seeing Dr Brad at 0922 (I know because I had my phone out when he called me in) after a quick hello and chat about Carlton (he's also a CFC supporter)  he asked me about being in remission..... I told him I was waiting for him to tell me I was in remission..... and that's when he said "Vicky you are in complete remission" !! I was beaming and so was Dirk and so was Dr Brad !! He was really pleased with all my results. Kappa results were back to normal. D+36 !! All done and dusted - thank you very much - thanks for coming. All I have to do now is have a bone marrow aspiration (biopsy) in four weeks to confirm everything is back to normal.
After seeing Dr Brad we went to see a friend that I had met during treatment who is four weeks behind me and has had his transplant this week. He lives in the country so has had to check into hospital for the entire transplant time. We went to the ward to say hello and hopefully bring a smile to his day. He seemed to be going really well, which was great.

Champers? - probs, defs, totes !!

And at this point I got my message to say I was an aunty again. Well !! ..... you couldn't wipe the smile off my face at this point. Talk about happy. Tears welled up in my eyes as I thought about my family. After everything that has happened this year, this was the happiest moment we'd had in a very long time..... and I cried with happiness. Isobel Emily Austin is going to be the lucky little angel in our family.
Dirk and I took off from the hospital, put the lid down on the car and headed for the beach. It was a beautiful day and we intended to celebrate. We headed for Scarborough beach and went for brunch. Coffee first then as I flipped over the menu to peruse the drinks, I noticed they served bucks fizz !! Perfect !! It was time to celebrate.
We then headed up the coast and just cruised around for the day.

Beautiful Happy Day ....

Today has been a very happy day......

For anyone interested we'll be talking part in the "Leukemia Foundation - Light the Night" on 26th September 2012 if you're in Perth, come join us for the walk.

Hands.... touchin' hands..... Reaching out ...... Touching me .... Touching you .....

It was mum's birthday on Tuesday. She would have been 69. I still hear her laugh and her voice in my head. And in every image she's laughing.... and then I cry.... again. Does it ever get any easier? or not hurt so much? I get that pain in my throat when you're trying to stop the crying. But all over the world on Tuesday, we were having a toast to mum. Bacardi & coke's were being raised to the sky in her honour. I actually had an Oyster Bay SB. They didn't have a Bacardi in the restaurant we went to. So I chose the next best thing. 

My First Orchid Bloom !

One fantastic thing that I'm sure mum has had a hand in this week, is my orchid has flowered. It is the first time in five years I have managed to get my orchids to bloom. Mum always had loads of flowers on her orchids and I was always jealous. So this was awesome for me. I have one flower that opened yesterday and about four more to come.

This past week has been a good one though. I decided I'd had enough of lying low, and the smell of anti-bacterial hand sanitiser was really getting to me. The smell of it now actually brings on nausea !! Over dosed on the stuff I think !! It was time to start living again. I was happy to be semi-sensible. But I could tell from the way I was feeling that I was on the mend. So the "no visitors" ban was lifted and I have gradually re-entered the land of the germ infested living. It's been fab !! I have finally had someone else to talk to other than my fiancé. (no offence Dirk) And with the ban lifted, that also meant .... SHOPPING !!! wahooo. I grabbed my bridesmaid and we went wedding dress shopping. How easy is it?? OMG I was expecting tank loads of fuel as we drove from shop to shop trying on meringues and toilet roll holders! Then I was expecting to have to buy a ticket to Melbourne and fly across the country to hit the shops in the East...... but no... After the inevitable meringue shop (the 1st one) we drove to another one and were turned away !! Yes that's right, we were told it was by appointment only and they wouldn't let us in !! - you can only imagine how that went down with myself and Snapper !!! - so we headed into Claremont And the first store we went into, I found it. In my size. And it was perfect. I had butterflies in my tummy. We put the dress on hold and went for a quick glass of Moët. I couldn't stop thinking about it. I knew it was right. So I went back to the store and purchased. Too easy !! 

Hello Kitty Wedding Dress

Now the hunt begins for the perfect shoes and accessories. Not to mention the perfect bridesmaid dresses. With one in Perth, one in NZ and one in Dubai, it's going to be interesting on how we co-ordinate it all !!
But my biggest worry at the moment is getting the invites out. Well, that and my hair growing back in time for the wedding. 
I had my bloods done yesterday in time for my appointment with Tina today. Unfortunately when I got to the hospital, she was sick and wasn't coming back all week. But I was still seen and my results were fab. Pretty much all neutrophils, haemoglobin and platelets in normal range. So all I have to do now is have my Zometa infusion on Wednesday and catch up with Dr Brad on Friday and then that should be it. I will be released from the hospital and go back to Dr Ben !! OMG I can almost see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I will have to get back to work soon though. No pay is tough, especially when we have so much expense coming up. The worse thing is, I actually took out salary insurance to cover me for any leave that may happen. This was a couple of years ago. Unfortunately, it only kicks in after 90 days of leave. And that is after all of your sick leave and annual leave have been used up. I'm not going to need 3 months of sick leave, but will still lose approx. 6-8 weeks pay. As far as I know, there's nothing that covers that. And when I do go back to work, I won't have any leave at all. This sucks !! It's not even my fault !! Ive had to sacrifice pay and leave to get better from this bastard disease. When it comes to getting married and seeing my family at Christmas, I'll be lucky to have enough leave to take any time off. Not to mention a honeymoon. But on the bright side.... at least I'm getting better. 
Well, as usual it's the middle of the night. I've not written about anything that I had in my mind. Like I said, it's been a good week. We've also had the fantastic news of two engagements this week. So wedding bells are ringing everywhere. It's great. Massive congrats to our special friends on their engagement, I can't wait for the celebrations.....

Sometimes I feel like I don't know .... Sometimes I feel like checking out ..... I want to get it wrong ..... Can't always be strong .... And love it won't be long...

A Card I Received Today !! Brilliant
Thanks Lori xx

It's Friday and I'm home (yay) I was released yesterday afternoon and it was a GREAT feeling. Not that  I have one complaint about the staff and the care they give. But the food is quite bad and the boredom is ..... well just plain bloody boring !!
It was great to have a visitor yesterday (thanks Phil) I got the OK from Dr Brad that I could start to see people and not be as "anal" as I have been about being around people.
We had risotto for tea last night (made in the Thermomix of course !!) and it was "heaven" just delicious. We watched some TV then I sank into my bed and drifted into a gorgeous night's sleep.
This morning I had to have more bloods done. And I had to fast too as I was having one called FMBS (i think) which was a urine test then bloods. So I filled my bottle then Dirk decided to drive me in. I haven't driven for 3 weeks and  wasn't sure how I'd go.
Once in we also decided to go sand see Tina instead of calling her. She was glad we did and asked us to go back in a hour so we could see the results.
We headed down the road - away from the hospital - for a coffee, and I also popped into work to say hi to a few people & pick up some mail. It was nice to see a fe people and pickup the latest goss too !! ha ha! (and what goss I got too - omg) 
After our coffee we headed back to HCC and Tina called us in.
Bloods were good-ish! Haemoglobin was 105 (good) White Cell Count 3.8 (good) Platelet Count - Blood 210 (brilliant - normal range) Neutrophils 0.68 (not so good) I was almost neutropenic again. Thank goodness it didn't show up yesterday as they wouldn't have let me go home from hospital !!
But this means I am now back at home, have to be careful with visitors again, careful with my diet again, and I also have another get into jail (Hospital Emergency Dept) free card again. Damn !!! I was hoping for better than that !! I'm also back on the injections just for two more days..... sigh......
However, I am feeling ok so I guess that's good. Have been a bit snotty as a result of last week's cold, but I don't feel (touch wood) sick !!
This afternoon, I've decided to make a playlist based on my blog titles. Seeing as my theme appears to be quotes taken from songs, I thought I'd put one together. If anyone wants it, I'll attempt to make it public.....? It'll be a right miss-mash of music !! This is my 74th blog entry and approx 85% of my entries have lyrics as the title, so it'll be funny to see how the list plays (for me anyway)
So that's it for today.... I have been quite low this afternoon. It'll be mum's birthday on 28th and already I can't stop crying. I think I'm beginning to feel the pain of her not being here. I'm having "mum-moments" about 5 times a day at the moment. Probably because I have so much time...... Time to get better and get busy I think !!! I don't think I could not work.... I miss it too much.
Anyway, now I'm babbling so I'll sign off for the day..... 
Thanks for listening xxxxx

Just a little something for the pain ..... Hospital food getting you down? ..... Honey now I'm not one to complain ....... But this hangin’ around ...... Is wearing me out .....

My New View
I can even see MICROMINE !!

This is why I hate iPad for blogging !! I just wrote a complete blog entry and pressed save and it all disappeared !!! AAARRRGGGHHHH
I will try again.... At least I'm in a position where I have all the time in the world to write !! Still frustrating though... especially on the iPad !! Which is why I am now using a laptop with a proper keyboard :-)
I can't remember what I blogged before so will have to try again - it is now 3 hours since I lost the last blog so I think this one will be completely different. The only thing I did, was make some quick notes on what I'd blogged about, so the subjects will be the same, just different !!
These are my notes.... I'll try and talk you through them.....

• View to work
• Eyesight
• Needles
• Plastic food
• Tami flu
• Visitors
• Neutrophils 2.44
• C Reactive Protein 26 was 10 !!

Anyway... to get you up to speed.... Monday I had my bloods done with Tina (my primary Nurse Practitioner in Haematology Care Centre HCC) All was going really well and she was extremely pleased with everything. Neutrophils were now 2.44 and my C Reactive Protein (which shows if you have an infection or not was at 10 - it was at 84 last time I was admitted to hospital and <5 is normal) I mentioned I'd had a bit of a cold / sore throat but that is seemed to be subsiding and that I was feeling better. She did a few tests to see if I had a fungal infection or anything else that could be easily detected and we left happy. Dirk was free to go back to work for a few hours and I was happy to hit the couch and relax with the pups. After a couple of hours I started to feel a bit chilly so cranked up the heater. I must have had it pretty high as the pups slunk downstairs and lay in the cooler climate of the hallway !! Me however... I was still freezing. I grabbed a blanket, put the heater up to 27C and tried to get warm. By 4pm I was shivering and my temperature was 39C.... Dirk got home and we decided it was time to head to Emergency. We had to wait around 40 minutes to get through Triage.... no "Get Through Quick Pass" this time. It was in line with all the other sick people.... like the guy in front of us that had a stiff neck, or the girl that had a sore tummy. At least when I got to the front of the queue, they whisked me off to a secluded room so I didn't catch a sore neck or tummy !!!! 

New Hospital - PMH

I was seen by the same HCC oncall Dr as before and she remembered me. This was a bonus as I didn't have to go through everything all over again. I was taken to the Emergency ward and X-Rayed. Then they attempted to put a cannula in.... this didn't go too well. I had a student practicing on me. Normally this wouldn't bother me at all, but I wasn't feeling the best and after two blown veins I burst int tears and he decided to get his boss / Dr.  The 3rd attempt was fine. Then they wanted blood too - but not from the cannula.... that was for anti-biotics in. So the came to take blood. It now became apparent that my veins were beginning to collapse at the 1st sign of a needle. Apparently this is common with chemo. Not permanent. I also had to do a pee test. My temp spiked again at around 10:30pm so I was given seven blankets and two panadol and Tami Flu anti-biotics. We decided that Dirk should go home at around midnight as all we were doing was waiting for a room to free up. After he left I was taken to the Emergency Obs ward and at around 2am I was admitted. Not to the haematolgy specialist ward I was in before, but apparently the next best one. And at least I got my own room. Since then, no-one has been allowed in without a mask and gloves on. 

Tuesday (yesterday) was pretty much the same... started the day off with spike temperature and swapping between shivers / lots of blankets / panadol / sweats - Every 12 hours intravenous anti-biotics, more bloods - I've had 9 blood tests in 24 hours. But by 8pm last night, I started to feel better. 

Today I had my last lot of panadol at 7am and since then have not had to have any. I'm still not allowed to go home (booo) they have to wait for my blood cultures to come back which take minimum of 48 hours !! 

Another View - Looking back towards home

But my nurse (Tina) came up from HCC to visit today, we had a good chat, and she made me feel better. Dirk has been in morning and night. And today I've been able to pick up my kindle and read - although the geekster's I got two months ago may need to be updated again very soon. My eyesight is deteriorating fast !! I'm hoping it's a temporary situation from the chemo, but I'm not sure. I'm still seeing blurry letters when I read and have to have my font on large !! WTF !!

So that's pretty much where I'm at to date. It's Wednesday evening now. Dirk has bought tea in (YAY!!) We're having Vodka Chicken Penne (thanks Jo) because the hospital food is unbearable. Soooo bad. Worse than school dinner!! - yes that bad - although if anyone is looking for a way to lose weigh fast - hospital is the answer !! 

Hopefully I'll be home tomorrow and maybe over the weekend will be able to have visitors too. I'm clear of being neutropenic now, I just have to be cautious. Which I will be. Anything to keep me out of hospital......

Every time I think of you .....I always catch my breath ...... And I'm still standing here and you're miles away ...... And I'm wondering why you left

I miss my mum every single day.... I have so many "mum moments" (where something that reminds me of mum takes me by surprise and I start to cry) My sister being here has been amazing. We've had LOADS of mum moments together. Usually we end up laughing at each other crying !!

Me & Sis on the way home from hospital

But I must say, I'm really going to miss my sis. She has to be one of the most amazing people in this world. Just gorgeous. I'm going to miss her just being here. While I've been sick, she's been fantastic. Doing everything, washing, cleaning, waiting on me, rubbing my neck when I had a headache, shopping but most of all I've loved her just being with me. Just sitting.
And now she has to leave.... I don't know why us Austin's decided to spread ourselves across the globe so no matter what, there is always a sad goodbye to have to have !!! BUT, she'll be back for the wedding & our family Xmas in Perth..... so excited about that. And if either of us win lotto, we're going to book for her to come over in October so we can organise the wedding more. I'm crying thinking about her leaving later this evening ;-( At least we're both lucky enough to have close girlfriends that are like sister's to us. 

South Perth Birds

This week has been a mixture of good and bad - health wise - I was released on Tuesday from hospital. My bloods were good enough for them to beam big smiles at me, tell me I was doing fantastically well and say I could go home. My neutrophils went from 0 on Sunday to 0.55 on Monday to 1.66 on Tuesday !! Wahoo - when they are over 1.0 they let you go home...... It took all of one hour to have my CVC removed, and get the heck out of hospital. 
Wednesday was a great day.... We went to hospital for bloods and a check-up. All was good and they were again very happy with my progress. This put me on a high for the rest of the day. We got home and Jo & I had a lazy morning, then cleaned out one of my closets and Jo baked (always fabulous) I was sneezing a lot of Wednesday, and the result was a head cold which crept into my being by Thursday - pah ! Thursday morning I was full of it (head cold that is) and with the head cold came a tickly cough. One of those pathetic annoying ones - they sound like you're putting it on, and have nothing happening on your chest !! yep one of those..... So I've been taking it pretty easy since then.

Wedding Venue !!
An old cart - lol

Jo & I did manage to go for a drive out to the wedding venue (yay) I really wanted to show her so when we talk about it she can picture it and make suggestions. We've also been trawling wedding pictures for ideas of wedding dresses etc. But so far I am still at a loss. I'm thinking in late September, before I go back to work, I will ask any girlfriends if they want to come across to Melbourne with me and we can go wedding dress shopping..... sounds like a GREAT idea to me. But please keep it to yourself, as I haven't told Dirk yet of this fab idea !!!

Oscar - Noice

So this is it up to date again. I have another check-up appointment with Tina my nurse on Monday. Hopefully, I will have knocked the cold on the head by then. And then I catch up with Dr Brad on Friday. Aside from the cold, I'm actually feeling great. Better every day. So can't wait to get rid of it and start enjoying the recovery a bit more.....
My sis told me yesterday it's only 20 weeks until the wedding..... another thing that takes my breath away !!! haha. Oh well.... I'm sure it will all come together.

......Number one is to find some friends to say "You're doing well..." .....After all this time you boys look just the same." .....Number two is the happy hour at one of two hotels, ....... And settle in to play "Do you remember so and so?".

D+8 - D+12 (Friday to Tuesday).....

Well I jinxed it in my previous entry.... as I probably should have guessed. Friday morning I trundled off to my appointment with Tina and was told I was neutropenic. (Neutrophils at "0") I didn't feel too bad. I was given fluids again and had my CVC dressing changed. We made a bet that by Saturday evening, I would be in hospital as my "C-Reactive Protein" results were at 44. Which meant I had an infection brewing. We went home and Dirk went off to work for a couple of hours. I crashed on the couch and fell asleep for a few hours. From around 3:30pm my temp was up over 37C and didn't look like coming back down again. The heater was pumping but I wasn't hot..... it was time to go into the ER !!
I'd been given a "ER Free Pass" which meant I didn't have to queue, and I would be treated as a VIP. It worked a treat, and as I passed a woman screaming because she wasn't allowed to have a smoke in the ward, I was given a bed away from everyone else and had a nurse assigned to me. It was just like the old days walking to the front of a queue at a club and walking straight in and up to the bar !!!

Daily View

The staff (as always) were amazing. I wasn't left waiting for anyone. Wasn't left wondering what was happening and felt totally looked after & informed. I had a thorough work-up done and X-Rays taken. Then they fought to have me admitted to a private room in the Haematology ward. At first I was going somewhere different, but they managed to turf someone out so I could get to where I would get the better care for my condition - as I said before.... they were amazing. After arriving at around 5pm ish, I was in my room by 8:30 ish. I was hooked up to a drip with antibiotics and fluids. Dirk & my sis left and I eventually fell asleep.
Saturday (D+9) was my worst day.... I had a temp all day, spiking up around 38C - 39C most of the day and I was in a state. Shivering, diarrhoea, no energy, headaches, stomach ache.... awful. The whole day was just a blur (bluurrrgghhh) Saturday night I slept a little better - even with the seven extra blankets I had on me - and Sunday I started to lift a little. Dirk & Jo came in every day and sat with me. Even if I wasn't talking much, they sat and were just there. I have cravings for either a drink or food which last only once, then the thought of eating or drinking it again, makes me nauseous. So Jo & Dirk have been running backwards and forwards trying to manage my cravings. The hospital food, unfortunately, lived up to expectations and was absolute shite. I'm hoping I will have been able to lose those extra few kilo's as I haven't been able to stomach too much !! Rubber Omelettes, brussel sprouts (boiled to within an inch of their little cabbagey lives), lentil soup (no seasoning as I'm not allowed) ..... it's been tough !! Being neutropenic means you have to follow a Neutropenic Diet so there are certain things I'm not supposed to have - like salad.
Anyway..... like I said, Sunday was better, Monday (D+11) was better again. I also started to see my Neutrophils go up on Monday - they were at 0.58. This was good. It meant my white blood cells were re-generating. Which is basically your immune system. When it gets over 1.0 I was looking at going home.
And so after spending the day yesterday with my sis, playing scrabble, having "mum moments" watching TV and drinking cups of tea, I spent another slightly restless night ( I've discovered I don't sleep well in hospitals) in hospital. It's fine of you are a newborn and need to wake up every 4-5 hours but when you're 42 and don't, it's just not the same !! Ob's and blood tests every 4 hours.... pills, fluids, beeping machines etc etc..... yawn !!

My CVC that came out of my neck !!

This morning, I woke to the great news that my neutrophils were at 1.66. One point bloody six six !!! yes you read it..... AWESOME !!! This was good news and my nurse got me all excited telling me I would probably be able to go home...... I was not getting my hopes up this fast !! It was only 8:30am !! The Haematology Dr's were doing rounds today and I was to be flagged for inspection. I told my nurse to tell them I wanted out. And she did. At 11:15am in walked Dr Brad !! I didn't realise HE was coming in and it was good to see him. He was VERY happy with me and said "Yep, you can get out of here" OMG.... I cannot describe the joy !! I did the BB dance in my head .... you know the one.....
And so.... I am home. With my family and it feels great. I was able to eat a nice tea - thanks Jo - watch Big Brother - thanks Dirk and I am now about to sleep in my own bed (with ironed, yes ironed "fresh sheets, fresh sheets" - thanks Jo)

It doesn't get any better than this.......

Closer than my closest friend.... To celebrate the good times ......To help me through the hard times ......To bring me down to earth ........Remind me what's important.......

The past 2 days have been better. After my trip in to hospital on Wednesday I was given fluids. My results showed I was almost neutropenic. Which is what we are pretty much expecting / waiting for. After the fluids, its amazing how much better I felt. Even though I'd been drinking 2L water every day, it appeared I was on my way to dehydration.
My sister arrived on Wednesday evening from NZ. And all of the sudden I was feeling a whole lot better.
We've had tears, laughter and lots of "mum-moments" as I've come to call them..... Those unexpected moments when you remember something "Gerry would have said /done" and you burst into tears when you realize she's not here.....
Anyway.... It's been fab, and an absolute morale lifter having my blister here.
We're off to the hospital again now. Had a small scare last night when my temp spiked to 37.6C ... But we realized that having the electric blanket on boost before slipping into "fresh sheets" had an impact on the results !!! After I switched it down to 1 ... Temp dropped to relatively normal......
I'll be asking for more fluids again. It's so much easier than having to drink it yourself !!! And hopefully I'll be sent home for the weekend...... But we'll have to see what Tina says......
On another note ..... I'm nearly at my "target weight" from my operation last year !!! Not something I'm even thinking about, but noticed when I jumped on the scales this morning..... Heh heh..... Not all bad see?
Xxx
Quick update .... In hospital now.
Temp is slightly up 37.5C bit we're going to see what it is after fluids. Blood pressure was low too.....
Waiting for bloods to come back.
Tina says if I have to be admitted, I'll be in for about 4 days..... They all (the nurses) place bets on when you get admitted !! Lol I want in on it too !!

D+6

Just a quick update. Been feeling pretty low the past few days. Sunday was the last "good" day. Monday I just felt wiped out..... And the feelings haven't changed since then. No energy, diarrhea, nausea.... Just a part of every day now. However, I haven't had to go into hospital with a fever. And I've kept my fluids up. So it's not all bad !!
I had to start my injections last night. Yet another pill/prick/suction of me. But I shouldn't complain..... It's all going well.... As expected.
I'm off the the hospital now for another blood test and check up. My white blood count should probably be '0' now - neutropenic. This way I can start to build up and start again !!!

Wish me luck.......

.......Love is the answer....At least for most of the questions in my heart..... Like why are we here? And where do we go? And how come it's so hard? ...... It's not always easy and Sometimes life can be deceiving....... I'll tell you one thing....... it's always better when we're together.....

Looking forward to seeing my sis on Wednesday....

I'm in the middle of a Jack Johnson-a-thon .... and so I guess, feeling pretty alright so far too.

It's Sunday.... Thursday was implant day and my days have been relatively good. If I jinx myself by writing the following then <insert "F-style" curse word here>

Anyway here goes.... so far, no temperature, the anti-nausea drugs are keeping things at bay, no diarrhoea... the worst so far is the irritating Dracula's neck jewellery (Thanks Nigel - liked that one !!). But even that is beginning to settle and not be as annoying.

OK Coldplay-a-thon now..... JJ was getting a little melancholy for me......

I've been very careful so far. Bucket loads of anti-bacterial hand wash, lots of water, hydrating fluids and no contact with anyone or thing. Although I have managed a couple of trips to the park with the pups. I've also been sleeping well(ish). The olympics have helped too. Live streaming on the iPad on the middle of he night is great. I'm back on the Dexamethasone so that may explain some slight insomnia. 

I'm now on a neutropenic diet too. And it looks like I'll have to stay on this for the unforeseeable future. As I now have no immunity I won't be able to combat food bacteria. I'll have to start from scratch with my body. One of my biggest disappointments would have to be that we will not be able to visit "Sizzler" for the next year !! Oh woe is me..... how will I survive ?? !! No salad bar or all you can eat soft-serve is allowed to pass my lips !!! Looks like it will just have to be fine dining establishments and home cooked delicacies. 

I have a bowl of drugs I have to take every morning..... 

• Dexamethasone - Anti-sickness 2-3 days after chemo (all good now)
• Metroclopramide - Anti-sickness 20mg 2 tabs up to 4 times per day
• Pantoprazole - Antacid (and for nausea) 40mg 1 tab per day
• Fluconazole - Anti-fungal 200mg 1 tab per day (for the foreseeable future)
• Valaciclovir - Anti-viral 500mg 1 tab per day (for 3 months post transplant)
• Filgrastim - 300mcg Injections daily in evening D+5 onwards
• Gastrostop - 2mg Once it starts.... max 8 per day !! eeuww

I have my first check up appointment on Monday morning. I'm hoping Tina (my Nurse) will be very happy with me. 

My beautiful niece - who's birthday it was yesterday

And so back to the couch and the relaxing.... my Blue boys are about to start. I haven't picked them to win and after the WCE performance yesterday I'm hopping for some winning vibes in the house. I must also say that as my first year as an Aussie I'm a little disappointed at the performance of the number of Olympic Gold's for Australia!!! Go Team GB !!! Just saying......

Oh yes one last thing.... we've booked our wedding venue. Looking forward to Jan wedding......

And if a double-decker bus.....Crashes in to us......To die by your side......Is such a heavenly way to die........And if a ten ton truck........Kills the both of us To die by your side........Well the pleasure, the privilege is mine........

So I'm lying here as we chat, and my old (new) stem cells have been put in !! Omg !! What a feeling !! ...... Actually there's no feeling at all. Just lying on a bed with a drip hooked up. I've had 2 liters of saline for hydration, phenergan (anti-histamine ... To stop the preservative in stem cells from reacting with me) my stem cells ( that smell like creamed corn) anti-biotics -Vancomycin to prevent infection.... And after that I stopped retaining information !! And I keep needing to go to the toilet !! Too much information ?
I woke up this morning feeling a little nauseous. But after downing a coffee, 2 x pramin, 2 x dexamethasone and an pantoprazole (ant-acid) I began to feel a bit better. Yesterday was a good day. No side effects to write home about. Just the frustration of the cvc in my neck. Uncomfortable and a bit itchy from the stitches. I'd only been able to sleep about 2-3 hours on Tuesday night. But last night managed to catch up with about 6-7 hours. Nice !!
Straight home from here and onto the couch... Will see what's on tv and wait for the drugs to kick in...... No visitors for the next few weeks. We even cancelled the cleaning lady !! WTF !!! Luckily on my "take home notes" it actually says no cleaning or gardening !! Haha ... Fabulous I say !! Now if we could just get the dogs using the anti-bacterial hand/paw gel i reckon we'd be good to go.
I've been told I'll get very tired soon, so will pause for now and catchup later.
This is all I have at the moment..... Just saying !!

I'm working on a dream ......Though trouble can feel like it's here to stay .......I'm working on a dream ....Well our love will chase trouble away.....

I really don't know how I would get through all this without Dirk. And I'm not sure I can put into words how much I love him and appreciate how he has been there for me. I know if the tables were turned I'd do the same for him (I'm not sure I'd be as good as he is though) ..... but it's not the other way around. And at the end of the day he is putting up with everything.... and not complaining, and doing everything & anything for me. And his support has been relentless since January. For any carer out there... I cannot begin to think how hard it is for you. Thank you seems so little for what you do...... BIG love to you all. But ALL my love to MY carer. (he won't like this mushy stuff, but it has to be said) I love you Dirk......

I finished work on Friday..... I won't go into it too much... needless to say, I may have overdone the "farewell vino's". Maybe not the best idea, but done now. Apologies have to go out to my work friends that had to see me that way !! (hopefully by the time I get back to work it'll be forgotten !! ) awkward !! But I had fun... so that's what's important right? 

Yesterday was D-3 (the format my hospital use for transplant day calculations) Transplant day is D 0 then D+1, D+2 etc etc. until you are discharged. It was an easy start to the week with just the blood test. I managed to get sorted after that, with shopping, washing and last minute house stuff. Knowing that I probably won't have the energy or strength to do much. I wanted to get my sister's room ready and looking nice. I also needed to buy a heater for her room so she's not too cold. I'm really looking forward to seeing her, and I know it will also help Dirk. Just having the extra support here. He will be able to go out and even go back to work without having to worry about leaving me alone. So got that sorted, and then we went out for a last "drug free" dinner.

Today (Tuesday) was CVC (Central Venus Catheter) and Melphalan (Chemo) day. I was a little nervous about today. I guess knowing that someone was going to cut into my jugular and then pour in a drug that will make me feel like shite will do that to you !! So I put on my colourful jumper and even made up my face to help make me feel happy and not sick looking (it may sound vain, but it makes me feel happier to look healthy) and we drove into hospital. As always, the nurses were great. I was taken to theatre "recovery" for the CVC to be fitted. It's done under local anaesthetic - not the most pleasant experience - I felt most of it. The needles going in to such a soft area was probably the worst feeling. Then all I could feel was the pressure of the wires and needles. But it was bare-able. Afterwards an X-ray is done to ensure the CVC is situated correctly, then I was wheeled back down to the Haematology Care Centre (HCC) where everything is done for Haemo patients. I'm calling the CVC my new jewellery, as it dangles around my neck, and I'll be wearing it for the next couple of weeks until I'm discharged.

Dirk was waiting for me with a muffin, as I hadn't eaten anything yet. I managed to scoff a little of it before I was prepped for the infusion. To stop the mouth ulcers and probability of Mucositis they give you ice to suck before, during and afterwards. My nurses told me to continue for at least a couple of hours afterwards too. If there's one thing I've learned so far, it's to listen to the nurses and Dr. They go through this everyday, with a variety of patients and situations. They Know !! So I have listened to what they've told me so far and followed it to the hilt. 

The day was relatively painless and we returned home around 2pm. Mav had decided to eat his bed !! lol... we had left both dogs inside as it was raining badly and we didn't want to get home to wet dogs !! We knew they'd be a surprise at home, we just weren't sure what it was going to be.

I continued to eat ice until just before 4pm. Then I called dad to let him know about my day before I fell asleep until 7:30pm. We had some tea and watched some TV and now I'm in bed... they also put me back on the dexamethasone (hence being awake still at 12:45am !!) but I'm also paranoid about how I feel... silly I know, but I'm also watching the Olympics so it's not all bad !!

Tomorrow is a "rest day" and I intend to rest before the implant on Thursday. Drink lots of water and stay away from germs !! Fingers crossed all will be un-eventful.....

Once again, thanks for all the messages, posts and emails. I know I may not have responded to all of you, but thank you all the same. I've had some great emails from people I haven't spoken to for a while, it's great to hear from them. Also from people I don't even know. I'm sorry if I haven't responded yet... I still intend to. But I hope this blog helps in some way to anyone that may not have the support I have, or is just interested in the whole process....

Anyway, as usual this is a late night entry, which means, when I read it again in the morning I find spelling mistakes and incorrect grammar (which I hate) and sometimes cringe at what I've written. But I guess that what happens when you share your personal shit with the world !!

Night, Night, God Bless xxxx 

The title is dedicated to Dirk - "Working on a Dream" by Bruce Springsteen.