...Daniel drinks his weight .....Drinks like Richard Burton ..... Dance like John Travolta ....now.

Quick update .... all good.
Had my 3 monthly check up and Zometa on Tuesday. Bloods are all normal. Nothing to concern anyone. I am the favourite poster child of Dr Ben (well I think I am) Still have to have a Zometa infusion every 3 months. The effects are hitting me today. Just a weird feeling in your bones. Nothing that can really be described. Just weird.
Other than that, loving summer, my pool, eating outside every night, warm summer days. Life is pretty good. Even the summer storms have been amazing.... better than the Australia Day fireworks in my opinion.
I've had my dad visit me for a month. I've had my besty come over for a visit from the middle east. I've done a Spanish cooking class with my other besty. We have birthdays coming up (me & the hubby) we have weddings coming up (soooo excited for both) which also means Hen's days, new frock's !! eeks! And tonight I get to dine at WA Government House with the WA Gov. General to see my MD receive an Australian award. Life is pretty damn good at the mo.....

I drink a little more than recommended....This world ain’t exactly what my heart expected....Tryna find my way someway, oh I, oh I, oh I.....

Hello, my name is Vicky and it's been 257 days since my last blog !! <inset round of applause here> 

I don't know why I stopped writing my blog. Maybe because it was a bit of a reminder of "sick times" and now I'm well.... maybe I just got lazy (more likely) or just caught up in the rat-race again.....I also think that when I first intended to write my blog, it was going to be about my journey through chemo, stem cell transplant etc. In the hope that my story might help someone that is going through things alone..... I know my journey isn't over, but I don't want to bore people. But then I guess you don't have to read if you're bored ! <yawn> Maybe I just got caught up again in the rat-race called living !! I can say though that in the past 257 days since my last blog I have been to South Africa, Thailand / Koh Samui, New Zealand, Toronto, Montreal, Vancouver and in just a few short weeks will head to Bali. So not a bad rat-race really.....

So... what now? I've decided to continue writing, if and when I feel the urge. I constantly blog in my head. Meandering thoughts about what I would write each day... but then forget when I'm near my computer to write it down. So I may do random blogs.... some short, maybe just the odd picture here and there.... or a new song I've just heard that tickles my fancy ! (Thanks CT for the title song )

The past 257 days have also bought an abundance of births and marriages amongst our friends. I am proud to be "Aunty Vix" to so many new additions. Dirk & I are more than happy to entertain and enjoy watching the new kiddlies - but no, this doesn't mean we have changed our minds. We can hand them back as soon as the A) Cry, B) Smell, C) I get Bored !! It's the perfect solution. But we still get to spoil them and get cuddles and giggles..... so blessed.

I'm still taking heaps of pic's. Not one everyday, but especially since I've been on the road so much. And I'm cooking a lot. I've noticed this seems to be one of the major hobbies that I enjoy and helps me wind down after work. We've been eating some pretty shit hot food lately (even though I say so myself !) and I have been going mad cooking curries, bread and cup-cakes. Dirk & I are still attending our cooking classes. This year, we're doing "meat" classes (sorry to all you vegetarians) The classes are pretty amazing... learning about different cuts of meat and tasting them. The class is taken by a local (very well known and popular) butcher. 

Oh and I forgot to mention... my health is still good. I've just about finished having Zometa infusions now and my blood test results have not shown anything out of normal range for the past year. (Yay)

So there it is... a boring blog about nothing..... but for those of you that take the time to read it - thank you. And I guess it's good to have nothing to write about other than travel, good health and cooking.... especially given the reason for starting it......

Every time I think of you .....I always catch my breath ...... And I'm still standing here and you're miles away ...... And I'm wondering why you left

I miss my mum every single day.... I have so many "mum moments" (where something that reminds me of mum takes me by surprise and I start to cry) My sister being here has been amazing. We've had LOADS of mum moments together. Usually we end up laughing at each other crying !!

Me & Sis on the way home from hospital

But I must say, I'm really going to miss my sis. She has to be one of the most amazing people in this world. Just gorgeous. I'm going to miss her just being here. While I've been sick, she's been fantastic. Doing everything, washing, cleaning, waiting on me, rubbing my neck when I had a headache, shopping but most of all I've loved her just being with me. Just sitting.
And now she has to leave.... I don't know why us Austin's decided to spread ourselves across the globe so no matter what, there is always a sad goodbye to have to have !!! BUT, she'll be back for the wedding & our family Xmas in Perth..... so excited about that. And if either of us win lotto, we're going to book for her to come over in October so we can organise the wedding more. I'm crying thinking about her leaving later this evening ;-( At least we're both lucky enough to have close girlfriends that are like sister's to us. 

South Perth Birds

This week has been a mixture of good and bad - health wise - I was released on Tuesday from hospital. My bloods were good enough for them to beam big smiles at me, tell me I was doing fantastically well and say I could go home. My neutrophils went from 0 on Sunday to 0.55 on Monday to 1.66 on Tuesday !! Wahoo - when they are over 1.0 they let you go home...... It took all of one hour to have my CVC removed, and get the heck out of hospital. 
Wednesday was a great day.... We went to hospital for bloods and a check-up. All was good and they were again very happy with my progress. This put me on a high for the rest of the day. We got home and Jo & I had a lazy morning, then cleaned out one of my closets and Jo baked (always fabulous) I was sneezing a lot of Wednesday, and the result was a head cold which crept into my being by Thursday - pah ! Thursday morning I was full of it (head cold that is) and with the head cold came a tickly cough. One of those pathetic annoying ones - they sound like you're putting it on, and have nothing happening on your chest !! yep one of those..... So I've been taking it pretty easy since then.

Wedding Venue !!
An old cart - lol

Jo & I did manage to go for a drive out to the wedding venue (yay) I really wanted to show her so when we talk about it she can picture it and make suggestions. We've also been trawling wedding pictures for ideas of wedding dresses etc. But so far I am still at a loss. I'm thinking in late September, before I go back to work, I will ask any girlfriends if they want to come across to Melbourne with me and we can go wedding dress shopping..... sounds like a GREAT idea to me. But please keep it to yourself, as I haven't told Dirk yet of this fab idea !!!

Oscar - Noice

So this is it up to date again. I have another check-up appointment with Tina my nurse on Monday. Hopefully, I will have knocked the cold on the head by then. And then I catch up with Dr Brad on Friday. Aside from the cold, I'm actually feeling great. Better every day. So can't wait to get rid of it and start enjoying the recovery a bit more.....
My sis told me yesterday it's only 20 weeks until the wedding..... another thing that takes my breath away !!! haha. Oh well.... I'm sure it will all come together.

Every little step I take, you will be there ...... Every little step I make, we'll be together .......

So here's a quick update for you all on today's hospital visit.....

The next step is the Autologous Stem Cell Replacement.(ASCR) I went and met with my new haematologist specialist this morning. Dr Brad. Nice chap - very chatty, helpful and I didn't feel at any stage that he was trying to rush me or get rid of us. He explained everything and left us plenty of time to ask any questions. The nice thing about him was that he also specialises in Multiple Myeloma too. He is involved in the research and clinical trials associated with MM and has a keen interest in any of the research. At least this means he will have a vested interest in anything that happens throughout my treatment. He made me feel very comfortable about the next stage. We were also introduced to Tina the nurse practitioner who will be overseeing my treatment. She showed us around and went through the whole procedure. We made all the necessary appointments for bloods, chemotherapy, bone marrow biopsy etc etc.... and then sat and chatted more about what to expect.

The Stem Cell Process

It's all a bit daunting to be honest, but I did feel that I would be OK. I wasn't told it was all going to be fine. I was told it was going to be hard, a little bit painful and tiring. But at the same time, I was also assured that I would be under the best care possible and that they would be looking after me every step of the way.

So next week I go back in for bloods and a bone marrow biopsy. Then at the end of the month I start the chemo for the stem cell collection. This is where I will have a high dose of Cycloblastin (probably 2g) and will more than likely lose all of my hair..... I was offered a wig voucher ! - I will have to self administer growth factor injections for a few days before-hand and then will go in for a 5 hour stem cell collection, after blood tests to determine that the stem cells are at the right levels.

Once they have enough for two ASCR they will freeze the stem cells and send me home. After that, it's a matter of booking the time to have them transplanted back into me. This stage is still not 100% clear, there was so much information to take in on the first part that they didn't go too much into the next part. But needless to say, it's all starting and we're going ahead with it......


Well, that's all I have for now..... just thought I'd let you all know. Feel free to ask any questions......

I wandered out in the world for years............ while you just stayed in your room........ I saw the crescent....... you saw the whole of the moon! ......

Four day weekend..... over already.... sigh !!! Complete sugar overload ! Sunday morning I had Easter eggs for breakfast.... not the best idea..... about an hour afterwards I felt like shite !! and there was no other excuse for it..... too much chocolate. But you can guarantee that come next Easter I will do exactly the same again and go through it all again !!!
The sleep-in's have been fantastic. Not having to wake up at any particular time really suits me.  This morning (Monday) I even got up and walked the dogs with Dirk. I wasn't going to to go, I was going to have a bit more sleep, but then I thought it would probably make me feel better if I went, so I dragged myself up and walked to the park. Everything is a bit of a struggle at the moment. But having said that, I really did feel better for going.


We've also managed to have some relaxing catch ups over the weekend too. Sunday we caught up with Dirk's brother and partner - had a lovely bottle of bubbles and some vino, sat back on the balcony and chatted. And on Monday had some friends over for a late afternoon BBQ. It was so relaxing I felt sleepy by 5pm and almost snook off for a Nana nap !! I have to say a BIG thank you to Callie who bought the most divine sticky date pudding !! OMG it was ay-may-zing !!

It's now Wednesday... I worked from home yesterday and got quite a bit done. I got up to dial into my weekly meeting with North America only to find it was cancelled once I'd checked my emails.... but I was up so I hit the keyboard and started working. My only interruption for the day was a trip to the Dr's to get a pregga's test. It is becoming quite a pain having to get this done all the time. Even to pick up the second part of my script (because they won't give you the full prescription in one go) I have to go and get one !! I now have bruising on my arms from the band they put around your arm to find the vein, and also one from the "blow out" she had at the Zometa infusion last week.  As well as the big one on my leg from the wee slip I had (Mav's wee that is !) I look like I've been bashed up by Dirk !!

The Engagement party is pretty much booked and ready to go. (I think) I'm just waiting on the final quote from the caterers and we should be good to go. BIG question is new frock or not?? I hadn't really thought too much about it. Dirk would say not, but I would say "why not" !! It's probably too late for an online jobby, so I may have to hit the shops and see what's around. My biggest fear fr the night is the weather.... as it's beginning to cool down a bit now, if it rains, I think we'll be stuffed !! we have about 60+ people coming over so it's going to be a squeeze even with the outside area... if it rains, I think there'll be people in the bedrooms too !! Oh well... I'm sure we'll squeeze in somehow.....

mmm vanilla fudge !!

So now all I'm wishing for is for mum to hurry up and get better. She's back in hospital again and to be honest I'm not happy about it at all. It's so worrying to know she's just not feeling better. This has been going on too long now. I'm sure dad is worrying more than anyone. As long as they know that I'm OK and they don'y have to worry about me at all. I'm coping well and all my test results are showing that the drugs are working. Nothing to worry about here. Cancer really is a fucking bitch !!
On a brighter note... I found my vanilla fudge today so craving has been satisfied and all is good with world again !!

My morning view when I woke up today......He is a typical male !! 

When I get older.... loosing my hair..... many(?) years from now.....Will you still be sending me a valentine............Birthday greetings bottle of wine?......

F*#K Multiple Myeloma T-Shirt

I've been sitting here with an empty blog space for a couple of days now.... Over the weekend I stumbled across another blogger and started to read his experience. The reason I started to read was because he was young and started on the same drug therapy as me. So I thought it would be good to compare notes... anyway, after starting at the beginning of his journey and reading on, his journey became more complicated. His stem cell transplant was unsuccessful and the cancer came back aggressively and more vigorously than before. So the next step for him was stem cell donor - they found a complete match from his older brother and he went through the same process (albeit a little more painful than the first time) only to be told that it was rejected once again - he was also suffering with shingles, infections and graft vs host disease. His prognosis is 12 months..... The guy is amazing and has maintained strength and a sense of humour throughout. But no matter how you look at it... it's a scary thought. Another reality check I guess.

And YESSSSS I know... it's just one person and there are so many other successful stories, I know all that, you don't have to tell me. It just caught me off guard, I thought I was about to read about a similar story to my own, and be able to gain some insight into the stem cell therapy and his experience through it all. He's an amazing inspiration and I'll be following his blog now, as his journey continues. For anyone interested here it is Sean's Blog

Other than my reading, our weekend was delightful. Friday night was pizza night - yum - and a quiet night watching the telly. Saturday we got to lie in until about 11am !!I started cycle4 of my chemo, then we made hot cross buns - which were absolutely delicious (yes in the Thermomix too) and more TV shows and relaxing. Saturday evening we went over to friends place for a delicious dinner. Unfortunately for Dirk it was a fantastic piece of salmon.... excellent for all of us that eat fish !! Dirk doesn't eat seafood... oops (sorry Jane, he didn't want to say anything !!) He ate half of it, and all of the salad and veg, and actually said it wasn't that bad, but I think it was a little bit of a struggle for him. Luckily the company and the conversation were fantastic so it didn't matter. And then there was dessert and choccies <drrooollll> !! Back home at midnight to swallow some more pills (Thalidomide) and off to bed. (sleep came later)

Sunday was similar to Saturday - except Dirk did a lot more than I did. He washed the cars, cleaned the back deck, we washed the pups and I did the washing. Had some Thai take-away and watched more TV.

Sleep has been a bit hit and miss again recently. Late nights and then finding it hard to wake up at 7am for work. Most of the time, Dirk attempt once or twice to wake me, but if he doesn't get a response, just leaves me to sleep. Which is ok most of the time, except I have some early morning meetings on some days and have been late a couple of times. This isn't a good thing as I hate it when people are late for my meetings, so I can't now be doing the same thing. I either have to get Dirk to whack me out of bed or change my meeting times.... but the latter could be hard as some of the earlier meetings are with other regions so are planned around their time zones.... looks like the whacking scenario is the only way to go - I can hear Dirk cheering at that  opportunity !!

Looking back at the blog I was reading over the weekend, it's got me thinking about why I was drawn to it.... my friend at work pointed out that maybe there was a reason I read the blog. I think there was / is. And I think I need to stop procrastinating over what I am going to do and start acting on these things.... like my diet options. I haven't really changed too much yet, I've been thinking about it, but haven't done anything. If I am going to beat this disease, I need to give my body every available chance. I need to eat the right foods, boost my immunity and get serious about putting the right things into me. So this is my new focus. Good energy and immune boosting foods and supplements. Another thing that I realised after reading Sean's blog, was that this is serious.... it's not going to go away.... as yet there isn't a cure. It was a wake up call to me. I need to face this head on and think about my future - my long term future !! So that's what I intend to do.

I'm off to the shops now... time to stock up on a few things. I'm not going to go full on into it, as knowing me I'll fall off the health nut wagon in about 3 days !! But I'm going to start introducing healthier options and think about what I'm eating and drinking from now on. Start thinking before reaching for the high sugar biscuits and cakes and decide if this is going to feed cancer or attack it..... watch this space......

“Pugh, Pugh, Barney McGrew, Cuthbert, Dibble, Grub.”

Yawn !!..... wowsers... talk about falling into a heap at the end of the weekend. I haven't been able to do much more than sleep since Sunday, but I think I'm finally beginning to understand the cycle of my drugs a bit more now. The Thalidomide gives me the shakes.... the Dexa's make me moody and irritable and a bit jittery and the Cyclo makes me tired beyond tired, with that sludgy feeling and a little neuropathy. Now if I could just plan my days and meetings around the drugs I'd be better equipped !! The biggest problem is that just as one drug works it's way out of your system, you pump the other one in. And the Thalidomide is daily, so there's no escape from that one at all. Oh well..... cycle 4 next week already.... that's 9 weeks of chemo gone already.
"Time flies when you're having fun..." or so they say !!

The weekend was great, due to the fact that the cricket club had wins and walked away with two flags. But the nicest part for me was sitting in the sun with the girls, chatting and drinking champers. Really quite pleasant. It was a bit tense for a while (the cricket), but all good in the end. Sunday evening Dirk & I went to my bosses house for tea and had a great meal with some great company. Good wines, good food and a good laugh too. We didn't leave until late so by the end of the weekend, I was absolutely exhausted. We had to stop off on the way home to see the boys celebrating at the club..... I have to say.... it was no place for girls..... drunk, naked, sweaty, Emu Bitter drinking males all hugging one another constantly. Lots of male love in the room....  They had already done nude runs down to the freeway and back, greased up the covers and done naked sliding and one of them was covered in a MacDonald's chocolate sundae !! .......need I say more? !!!! and they think girls are bad !!

But the after effects of a feel good week and a good weekend come at a cost.... and the cost was Monday !! I woke exhausted, got up checked my emails and collapsed back into bed and slept again. It was a very difficult day. The neuropathy is weird. It's like you know you should be feeling things but the feelings are numbed. When I'm in the shower, I know that the water is hitting my body, but you can't quite feel it on your body.... and when I stretch my arms out to reach for something, my fingers all tingle. And the jaw and face feelings are just as bad...... when I'm drinking water, it takes a while before my mind associates the drinking action with the feeling. I'm sitting here now trying to remember yesterday and I can hardly do it. I was like a zombie all day. I don't think I functioned very well. I also got a message from my sis to say that mum had gone back into hospital so on top of everything I was also worried about her. It's so bloody shit sometimes, being so far away.... I know they all worry about me, and here I am worrying right back about them. I'll feel better when mum starts to get stronger and is eating (hear that mum !!) We all love being skinny, but mum is just taking it to the extreme !! Time to settle down now Gezza !! We spoke tonight, mum is back home again having had a blood transfusion and some tests. She sounded a lot better and we had a good chat, so at the moment, I'm feeling ok again.
I've slept more today too. I went in to work this morning - sat on a conf call for 1/2 hour that no-one else dialled into !! TFC !! - got through some work until about 1pm then went to lunch with my besty.We had chance to really catch up and talk and I loved it. We spoke weddings, holidays, family, houses, men, women, friends old and new..... all the stuff besties talk about. I got a call from the new GM at a competitor company while I was at lunch to see if I wanted to go and work for them !! haha ... I said thanks but not right now. Then I came home and slept..... again. And I actually feel ok at the moment. I still don't think I'll have any problems sleeping again tonight either. I guess I just have to go with the flow and do what my body is telling me to.
Dirk & I have to organise our engagement party and get the invites out. We have to book caterers and other stuff associated with a party. Not sure Dirk is quite as enthusiastic as me, but I'll whip him into shape and get him excited about it all ..... who doesn't like a party?

(I say) I don't like cricket-a ...... oh no I love it-a yeah ........ I don't like cricket-a ............ no no I love it-a yeah .......

South Perth Cricket Club WACA Grand Final - Day 1
Richardson Park, South Perth.

2nd Grade - 5 for 91 chasing 105
3rd Grade - 3 for 67 chasing 131

OK so that's the cricket out of the way.... had a fab day with the wags... some nice champers, a few nibbles and lots of chat relaxing under the trees in the sun watching both games between to two pitches. Quite a lovely relaxing day.

My week this week has been a much better one (yay me) and so I've been able to throw myself into work and play catch up. Long days, early starts and late finishes earlier in the week slowing down slightly later in the week. The trip to the doc's on Wednesday was still positive. A slow down in the reduced blood test results, but they are still going down, and that's all that matters at the moment. I was also happy when Dr Ben said I could cut my Dexa's by half the amount. So now I've just been taking 5 pills instead of 10 !

Today was Cyclo day.... had a great morning catching up with some very special friends for morning tea. It was gorgeous just to sit on the deck chatting and laughing over a cup of 'rosie lee' The besty also came over with her gorgeous girls who were just beautiful this morning. Relaxed, funny and happy - I just love them when they're like that. My aunty skills improve no end !!! And I got pessies too :-) Not that that matters at all...... but we all like presses don't we ?? !! hee hee!!

The gorgeous Callie & Lil Miller

At around 4 ish the Cyclo effects started to kick in.... groan.... I'd kind of forgotten how they affect me after such a good week. But the memories soon came flooding back !! The first sign is the shakes..... they came on with a vengeance. Then the internal feeling of a silent jackhammer inside me started. There's no headaches (so not like a hangover) just the constant feeling that your blood all around your body is being shaken .... not stirred...... and then, after that the surging through my upper jaw. Like there's a bit of a vice like squeeze happening..... slowly and not painfully.... just a slight pull - it even stretches to the back of my eyes.



But one of the nicest things at the moment, is the compliments I keep getting. Everyone is telling me how healthy and well I look. It's hard taking compliments sometimes, but it really is very nice to hear. I feel OK most of the time. And I'm very happy with my weight progress (40kg's now !!) I wore my first pair of size 12 jeans to work yesterday !! wahoo !! It really is a fantastic feeling. If I could just get the last 3kg's off, I'd be at my goal weight. But at the moment, I'm not focussing on my weight loss so much as my health. So it's not a priority. If it happens, it will.


Tomorrow is back to the cricket to watch the final day.... and fingers crossed a couple of flags to bring home too. Then next week we're just not going to know what to do with ourselves. No cricket for 6 months !! sheeeeettttt !!! WTF !!! hahaha. I know there's a few girls that are going to be happy to see the end of this season. I won't lie that I'm not one of them. But at the same time, I know how important all these boys are to Dirk. I know how much they mean to each other and that their friendships and the club mean more to each other than us girls will ever understand. So what do you do.... let them play I suppose..... we have 6 months to get over it. We'll probably feel differently by October and be happy to see the back of them on weekends again !! lol !! At least we get to shop and they don't have a leg to stand on !!...... bwhahaha !!!

Tonight's sunset.....

Quick chinky take-away for tea.... some TV on the box and I'm ready for bed..... I have some champers in the fridge, chilling for us tomorrow, so will need a good night's sleep before I embark on another day... hopefully will be another good day .....

The sunset tonight was amazing.....

As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point in the wrong direction........

and so to remember everything I'd just written over the past two days..... I was clicking "save" but it obviously wasn't saving !!! grrrrr.... I lost the lot !!

I started with the birthday - Thursday - I went to work and managed to get through morning tea of sausage rolls, tim tams and cake.... then went out for a nice quiet lunch with my friend, caught up on a little more work then made it home where I crashed out on the couch and slept. Dirk was at cricket but came home early with a pizza for tea. He chose a beautiful pancetta & blue cheese one, which ordinarily I would have found yummy, but at the time all I could think of was salt & heartburn !! So what did he do? He went straight back to the pizza shop and bought me a different one.... even knowing I'd only have one slice !! bless him :-) ...... a little while later, birthday was over and I went to bed.... It hadn't been the best day, but not much you can do about that. 

Friday was slightly better (feeling wise) I trundled off to work again. Mornings these days are a real struggle. I am so totally wiped out in the mornings. It takes me a good hour to fully wake up. My eyes are puffy and my body feels sluggish as well as my back aching and tight. But I managed it in by about 9:30am and got straight into the day. I was determined not to feel crap. I had dinner to look forward to in the evening. I figure that sometimes you can fool your body into believing that you feel great.... if you keep telling yourself enough you start to believe it !!

Balthazar

Balthazar was fabulous.... great company, great food and great evening. I have to rave about the food as it was absolutely exquisite.... Dirk had fillet steak that cut like soft butter, Bec & Ben had the Duck and I had Pork with black pudding and scallops.... just divine !! Ben & I shared a beautiful bottle of Gaja - Sito Moresco Langhe which was just a fab as the food.... mmmmm.... 

If anyone is looking for somewhere special to go to I would highly recommend Balthazar - we loved it. 

The Pork

The Duck

The Steak

Saturday was Day8 of Cycle 3 which means drug day <groan>.... 10 X Cycloblastin. (as well as the daily normal + daily vitamins) I did what I usually do on a drug day... hit the shops !! It's easier than sitting at home waiting for the effects to kick in. If I'm mindlessly wandering around I don't tend to feel quite as much intensity as they take hold. And I can forget about everything and just meander around without having to talk or think about anything. I managed to find some bargains for Dirk from FCUK & Country Road which were very well received, and found a couple of bargains for myself. But.... I have one problem that I'd like to share with you all...... WHY do girls wear racer back tops and normal bra's?? Hello.... has anyone told them?  The bra straps look ridiculous !! If you are wearing a racer back, then get a bra that has the same straps or wear a strapless bra.... I saw so many girls with this look - and it looks crap !! Now I realise that I am not the worlds biggest fashionista .... BUT even I know that you need to glance at your rear view before you leave the house. I cannot believe how many girls don't know this rookie rule. There are exceptions to the rule  - like in the gym - BUT not in a shopping centre when clearly you have not been near a gym in decades..... I had a second issue yesterday too, but cannot remember what it was now.... I've been wracking my brain, but it escapes me..... I'll let you know when I remember!! 

The rest of my Saturday was once again spent sleeping before Dirk & I hit the kitchen and whipped up a little Goulash and Nockerl (Hungarian dumplings) in the Thermomix.... delicious !! I also baked a apricot and apple crumble and custard for dessert as Dirk had been harping on about one (well had asked once... heh heh).

And so to Sunday..... 11am I woke up this morning !! Sleep really is my best friend at the moment. The nightly Thalidomide really wipes me out. It takes about an hour to take hold (after taking it) and approx 15-20 hours before I feel like I'm awake. Which doesn't leave too many hours in between.... 

We went to watch South Perth at the cricket today - three teams were in the semi's and now there are two in the finals next week. Hopefully at least one of them will win a flag.... they have to !!

I have bloods and Dr Ben this week. Last appointment until May as he's going away for April. Hopefully we'll see more good results. I have more Zometa to look forward to this month (Not!) and an appointment with a Dr from Royal Perth Hospital about the stem cell replacement. I can't wait until all this is over. I'm sure my mum feels the same..... her chemo looks like being bought forward as there's been some changes for her. I just hope it all goes ok.... I'm here mum for any questions or just to offload or chat :-)

We can live without religion and meditation, but we cannot survive without human affection..... Dalai Lama

Today is day 46 of chemo already......I've been trying so hard this week to be more ......... more what? relaxed, less bitchy, less tetchy? all of the above I suppose.... It's bloody hard sometimes. My body says one thing and my mind says another. Most of the time I just fly off the handle and say things without thinking - so this is what I've been working on !! The shakes, jitters, tiredness, sluggishness and complete malaise continue to plague my days and nights. This is the only thing that is the constant reminder of what is going on.... and there's no escape from it. Mostly I try to forget about it, but by the end of each day, I'm drained and dreading the thought of taking another pill. Because then the cycle starts all over again..... I really don't know how anyone could do this alone.... I am so lucky to have the support around me in Dirk and my friends.

I have pretty much lost most of my taste buds now.... so food or rather the satisfaction of tasting food, is becoming harder to reach. I taste initially, then as quick as the taste hits my mouth it is gone again. Now for someone that eats because they love the taste of food and not because I'll die if I don't eat, this is major for me.  It's getting harder and harder to find the right thing to eat. Nothing that used to satisfy does the job any more. So I'm looking to new tastes and foods for inspiration.... as yet haven't found it though !! I see things on the food channel and I think I might like them, but once I've tried to recreate them I can't tell if they were any good or not. At the end of a meal I have to ask Dirk if it tasted any good. A clean plate usually tells the story that it was pretty good..... at least someone is getting to enjoy it !!

Our little Maverick has gone to get his nuts chopped off today (ouch) so for the next 10 days we'll have a 29kg puppy loose in the house with a bucket on his head !!! something to look forward to !! I imagine there'll be big gouges of plaster taken out of walls, knocked off displays and accidental breakages as he leaves a path of destruction wherever he travels. But we love him so all will be OK.....

It's now Wednesday evening and Dirk has just walked in with my birthday pressie...... and tadaaaaa !!!

This is it !!! a new Mac Book Air :-) awesome.... I can now blog away without having to worry about a big laptop on my knees and without the hassle of using the iPad which doesn't type well and won't save my blogs easily. i LOVE it !!! fanTASTic !! The boy just keeps getting better and better !!! I think he was more excited about giving it to me. I was happy to wait until tomorrow, he's been trying to give me the present since yesterday !! hee her.

Birthday tomorrow too !! A day at the office, I will probably have to supply the staff with birthday cake and sausage rolls for morning tea..... maybe a little lunch time catch up and a quiet evening. We are going out to celebrate on Friday night, once the working week is over and we can relax without the "school night" feeling hanging over our heads. I'm looking forward to our dinner.

Saturday is cricket again.... and Sunday too .... it's finals time, so nearly over.... Once over we are going to have an engagement party at home. I'm thinking a nice, elegant little champagne / cocktail evening at sunset. Our friends, some choice nibbles and lots of bubbles.... hopefully before all the warm weather goes away. Maybe over Easter.... we'll see.

Maverick is now home. He's a little more quiet tonight... probably a little sore (poor fella) We haven't had to put the bucket on yet. He's been too droopy. But I guess tomorrow will be the day when he's more.... inquisitive as to what's been taken away !! Hopefully we'll be able to let them heal before he attacks the stitches.  Time to go to bed now on the final day of my 41st year..... 42 tomorrow..... I hope it's a good year !!

Some days are slippy, other days sloppy.......... Some days you can't stand the sight of a puppy......... Your skin is white but you think you're a brother....... Some days are better than others

Well I'm glad that week is over !! Talk about a hellish one.... not good. But the dark clouds seemed to have lifted when I woke this morning... so I'm feeling like I've come out of the eye of the storm. There will probably be more storms before the year is over.... but hopefully we'll get a few weeks of fine weather in !

Ok enough of that crap.... but it really was a bad week. If you haven't read already, it started out with complete exhaustion, followed by the Zometa infusion episode (knock-me-down flu like symptoms) and the Jekyll & Hyde and emotional personality disorders I've been experiencing too. Dirk nearly asked for the ring back I think!

It's been very tough emotionally for me.... Wednesday at the cancer clinic really hit me, it made it just a little bit more real for me. And it was hard to take. I started to think about what's ahead, stared to read up on the next steps, read blogs from other MM patients..... That coupled with all the other shit that was surging through me took it's toll. I got depressed and then angry and then depressed again that all this has happened to me. Did I do something majorly wrong to deserve it? Have I been so bad in life that Karma saw that I deserved cancer? I thought it was enough that our family should have to be there for mum and be able to support her, but now to be split across the world and not be able to be there for each other sucks big time. It really isn't fair sometimes..... I'm worried about all sorts of stuff.... obviously me, my health, Dirk, work, money, mum, dad, planning my wedding.... my sanity.... everything. You don't have to tell me not to worry about all these things... I know, I know.... but I'm just saying. This is whats in my head.

But as I said in the beginning... today was better. Even though Dirk had cricket, he chose to stay home (yes he did !!!) and we had a good day. Not in the most relaxing sense, but a good day. We got some long overdue chores finished. A few bits in the garden (Dirk) and a major closet clean out/up. Threw out even more fat clothes and tided out everything. It is now Ay-may-zing !! Sorted into summer / winter, work / casual / going out, pants / skirts / dresses. Just fab !! - Jo you would be proud !! And we finished it all off with a nice piece of slow cooked pork marinated in sticky bourbon bbq sauce and rice.... delicious.
I started cycle 3 of chemo yesterday, so have been pretty shaky and jittery this afternoon. When I eat now, I get the first taste of food, but then that's it.... nothing after the first bit when it hits your tongue. No after taste, no further flavours. Chilli is becoming a problem as it burns. And if anything is too salty all I get is the salt. Like a piece of ham tastes like a slice of salt..... so my choices are now a bit more decided, instead of random.

And so I embark on my birthday week :-) yay !! It's Thursday... just so you all remember ;-).... I'm really hoping it'll be a better week. I feeling like it will be. Dirk has booked at Balthazar Restaurant (a beautiful place and one of our favourites) on Friday night. Should be good. I might even wear my new frock again. It probably needs a dry clean first, but I can get that done this week.....

Well it's nearly 11pm so I'm off to bed.... night night...

Day44....

Please, don't wake me, no, don't shake me...... Leave me where I am, I'm only sleeping.......

The wedding was fanTASTic .... Such a beautiful day. The bride looked amazing, there was so much fun, laughter and love around. Everyone was just 100% happy. Throughout the day I had moments of chemical buzzing, but mostly ignored the feelings. I even managed a couple of dances .... We finished around 11:30pm and went home to bed.

And that is pretty much where the weekend ended. The feelings of shakes and buzzing returned with a vengeance on Monday and I wasn't really able to move at all. To give you an idea of how I'm feeling is really hard to describe, but I'll give it a go. My lips throb - a little like you've eaten something that you're allergic to. At the same time my teeth feel very metally... and they kind of pulsate too. My whole body feels very sluggish. It's like my blood is now as thick as cake mixture.... or one of those volcanic mud springs you see on the Discovery Channel, and so every time by heart tries to pump my blood around my body, it takes more effort. My legs and arms feel heavy so it's a struggle to just do normal activities. Like walking and getting out of bed !!! They constantly tingle - not to mention the hand shaking, which makes me look like I have Parkinson's disease at the moment. My back is aching again too (probably from wearing high heels all day) all I want to do is sleep. I think this is the first time since I started my drugs that I've really felt so tired. It has finally caught up with me.... It's now Tuesday evening and all I have done today is sleep too. I feel weak and fragile. Tomorrow I have to go to hospital for the Zometa infusion. Hopefully it won't make me feel worse - soooo hope it doesn't make me feel worse..... Work had to take a back seat today. When I woke at 7am I still couldn't move.... I was just so wiped out. So I've spent most of the day sleeping again. I'm just worried that I haven't caught up enough yet though !! I guess this is just what happens every now and again. I just have to listen to my body and go with it.

But, having said all that, I did have a good weekend. The wedding was fab. And that's all that mattered. I'm going to be an aunty again :-) (YAY !! my bro and sil have just announced the news so I know it's safe to share) And I got to relax and sleep a lot - isn't that what weekends are all about?? I think so.....

Day39....

From the moment I wake up....... Before I put on my makeup...... I say a little prayer for you..

So it's finally the day of my friends wedding !! Yay !! So excited. The dress fits.... well it did yesterday. I have a new bag, polished toe nails and am feeling.... ummm... ok ish !!
Yesterday was a big drug day... all 3 CTD had to be taken so by the end of the day I was a bit of a mess. The shaking really hasn't stopped yet. The lack of taste buds is getting worse and the fuzziness is still a bit of an issue. Nothing much can be done about it all, so you just really have to suck it up and carry on. By 8pm last night, I was sick of sucking..... I couldn't really function any more. So we watched a bit of tv before I collapsed into bed and passed out.

Last time we caught up, we were having friends over for "Fri Nite Pizza Nite" Now you all know how frustrated I get about let downs.... Friday was no exception.... my bestie turned up alone as there was another last minute sick kid !!  Bloody kids... I tell you - why do people bother? I really don't get it !! They mess up everything ... rant over... (and I know you breeders out there will all have positive things to say about being a parent... blah blah blah.... I've heard it all - it's just not for me) BUT anyway.... getting back to my night - my friend from UK was here and my two besties. Beautiful bottle of Moet Nectar (my absolute favourite champers) and straight into chatting and laughing. Dirk took Andrew to the airport to catch his flight back home around 8:30pm and us girls didn't miss a beat (or a sip) We talked without taking a breath and gradually polished off two bottles of bubbles and a fantastic bottle of Cloudy Bay SSB. Nothing untoward, just talk talk talk.... weddings, old stories, work, health, cancer, sex, partners, husbands, ex's.... you name it we talked about it. LOVED It !! I had to wrestle the keys from Snap before she left as she really thought she'd be ok to drive home.... I think not !! I promised her I'd have her car back early in the morning and Di dropped her off.
The next morning when we dropped her car off she was in a darkened room with a sick bucket by the bed and a lavender wheat mask across her eyes !!! hahahaha - love you Snap !! I'm not sure she was going to make it to the kiddies party she was supposed to be going to at 10:30am !! I don't think her hubby was too pleased.... but we don't do it often, she was home before midnight, so I have to say - get over it !! She's my bestie and it was a night we really needed together.

I've been getting complaints about the lack of blog being penned !! WTF !! I thought this was about me ?? haha If I don't have anything to put down, I can't just drivel on. I feel like I drivel on a bit as it is... to drivel more every day would just be a big bore.... and I hate to be boring !! So you guys will just have to bide your time and wait for updates as they come. OK? ;-)

The only other thing at the moment that is annoying is our puppy - Maverick - he is constantly chewing EVERYTHING !!! Bless him he's a cute, cuddly, funny (massive) dog, but I'm sick of losing all of our cushions and citronella candles to him. If you leave it out, he'll eat it !! Dirk went to smear Vic's Vapor Rub on stuff, but he likes it so licks it off !! We finally had the last part of the pool fixed on Thursday - the auto water filler - by Thursday evening Mav had dug it up, pulled out the wiring and eaten it !! arrrgghhhh we were NOT happy. And I think Mav got the gist of our mood !! After all the abuse I gave to the pool company on Thursday, I think it's best that we don't do business with them again (12 times to come fix issues - and they think that's acceptable) So off to Bunnings this morning to replace the wiring we lost and hopefully Dirk can fix it.

I am so excited about today. I will have part two of this blog to continue tomorrow..... and probably some pics of the day too. It's a long weekend in Perth so tomorrow will be good for recovery. And to think I should have been in Toronto right now, the mining show is on that I'm running from afar. So hopefully all the men on the stand will do the right thing and make it a good one. Daily reports back to me should be interesting, but they're a good bunch so fingers crossed they'll make me look good !! I have faith !!

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place.......Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace......Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste

So I've realised that amongst all of my self centred obsession, I've been neglecting my duties as a friend lately. I've failed to catch up with people and call them to see how they are doing.... my bad. So how are you all :-) ? - <joke> my intention is to be a better friend and get back to normal. Expect a phone call very soon. If you don't get one and you want one, let me know !! For those of us that use Facebook, it's so easy to stay on top of what's happening with everyone. All you do is click on their name and stalk their updates to gain insight into all the news. Check out pictures of parties, birthdays, children, drunkenness (my favourite) etc. and you feel like you were almost there with them. Brilliant !!

Day31..... The Blood Tests

I had another check up and got my blood test results with Dr Ben yesterday. I was prepared with my little pink book full of questions for the month and we went in. The girl on reception is a young Irish girl.... just lovely I'm sure, but we can't understand a bloody word she says !! I think she said something along the lines of "we don't have an appointment for you today" but after some sign language and nodding, we sat down and waited and eventually Dr Ben called us in. Straight to blood test results... brilliant !! Just to explain a little - non-secreatory Multiple Myeloma cannot be detected via the blood and urine so traditionally was hard to detect as it lay within the bone marrow and didn't show in normal type of blood tests. They now have a new test that is run called "serum free light chain" which picks up the protein levels in the blood to detect how things are going.
The normal range that I was being measured on is Kappa: 3.3–19.4 mg/L - my 1st result in Jan was 402mg/l after 10 days of chemo my second result came back at 354mg/L and then yesterday I was down to 175mg/L !! This is great news dropping so quickly. Even quiet Dr Ben appeared slightly happy ! He even smirked (I think - unless he had wind) He also went on to say that I may start the autologous stem cell replacement within a couple of months !(gulp) So I am booked to see another specialist at Royal Perth hospital for mid March to start that process. The other thing that I have to start is an intravenous drug called Zometa this is a sort of calcium booster that helps prevent bone weakness and also assists in slowing down the cancer growth. It can only be given intravenously so off to the hospital next Wednesday morning for this one. I asked him about my shakes and he said they should start to get better as my body becomes more accustomed to the Thalidomide !! Lovely.....

Day 32

Last night Dirk and I had the pleasure of joining our soon-to-be-wed friends for dinner. We went to a fabulous little place on the beach in Fremantle called The Pickled Fig - fabulous food, good bottle of bubbles but the company was the best part of the whole night. I can't say how much I love this couple. Such a pleasure to spend time with. You know when you meet some people and they just lift everything. Always happy, fun to be around and just gorgeous. I am so looking forward to Sunday to see their big day together. I just know its going to be fab. AND Kasey even bought me a gift. from one girl who has just done it all, to another that is about to start..... she bought me a wedding planner !! It is the BEST and I love it.... see what I mean about gorgeous? !!

Day33 - The Pickled Fig, Fremantle

And so today... back to another full on day. I'm a little behind on some work and it just keeps piling up. Now I also have to think about taking time off in a couple of months (for a few months) I'd been planning for around Aug / Sept time. But I guess once I see the stem cell guy from Royal Perth in late March, I'll know a bit more. And also we have a few more cycles of chemo and a fair few more tests before I know anything.
The end of the day was one of Micromine's (in)famous Soiree's - a fabulous event at work and one that I always relish. Open bar, nibbles and an uplifting presentation from our MD. It's always fun and I love the speeches. I might add that they aren't always PC, but they are always honest :-) Today was no exception. Love it. Love that place too.....

So my new day resolution is to be a better friend again. Starting tomorrow :-) Keeping in touch and returning calls. Making sure I take the time to see how they are all going. There'll be plenty of time for me. But I can't neglect them - they are all too special..... VERY special and I love them all..... very much.

Day34 - The Byrneleigh - Micromine Soiree

“Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot..... nothing is going to get better. It's not.” ― Dr. Seuss

Wow..... three days since my last blog post !! and yet it feels just like yesterday ! Where did the weekend go? I think I must have sneezed and missed it. I slept a bit, shopped a little and shook my way through both days..... but not in the disco sense (do people still use the word disco ?? - I'm thinking not !!) I'm still pretty shaky and jittery. Not quite as bad as last week.... I even think that the mood swings are beginning to subside, but I think if you were to ask Dirk the same question he may just have a slightly different answer !! .... and it wouldn't contain the words "less" or "subside". And just as the effects of the Cyclo & Dexa begin to wear off, BANG.... take another dose thank you very much !! But I think that's the whole idea. I'm sure that eventually my body will just return to a relatively normal state of being and all will be forgotten of this stage...... for now it's just shake, rattle and blluurrggghhhh.

I'm pretty sure people have been reading my blog though. Especially my closest friends.... they have stayed well clear of Sylvia (my physco alter ego)  this past week !!! Not a peep from anyone. And who can blame them. Who wants to call and then get their head bitten off? I've really needed the time too. Time to escape from my dark moods without having to talk about it all. The downside is that I haven't been able to get excited about any engagement stuff.... there's been no-one to share it with. The upside being that any time I've been down, all I've had to do is look at my bling and it makes me smile. I've had a lot of work to do too. In between all of the moods and shaking, the only other thing I've been doing is work.

I caught up with my old school pal on Saturday. Great to catch up again..... But what is it with Perth?? I called five restaurants on Saturday to get a table for three people. They were all booked out. They weren't even flashy places, just local eateries that I thought would be good for a relaxed casual meal. So we ended up going to Raffles for tea. Nice..... but ..... $350 !!! for three people??? (all I had was an entree).....REALLY? .....What are we fucking New York? or London? It's PERTH for shits sake !! If you haven't seen this you must watch "Shit Perth People Say" It is spot on the money. Sunday was spent in front of the telly watching Rugby, Cricket (whilst I nana napped), then Series 3 of The Inbetweeners & Team America. Not a bad Sunday all in all. Although I'm not sure my friend flew half way around the world to spend the day watching TV !! Hopefully he'll forgive us this time. An invite has been extended to him for Friday Night Pizza Nite before he flies out, we'll try and be a little more entertaining then.

And so this week's lending itself to becoming another "week from hell" I have two major reports to finish for work, two Dr's appointments, blood tests, and meetings galore. But amongst all of that Dirk and I have our good friends wedding on Sunday (yay sooo can't wait for that) and we even get to catch up with the Bride & Groom for tea on Wednesday evening. I am really looking forward to the weekend. New frock, good friends and a long weekend..... fanTASTic. I should have been in Toronto this weekend and next week, which would have been good, but I think I lucked out not being able to fly this time.

Day29.....(& Day30)

I dreamed of you at night time ...... And I watched you in your sleep

Well talk about doing something to take your mind off things .... Like a marriage proposal !! Wahoo what a way to raise the spirits and forget about everything (almost)It all came as an almighty surprise. I had no idea that the question was coming. And then the ring !!!! OMG just beautiful. Pink diamonds & diamonds. My absolute dream. But more than anything, just that feeling of happiness. I can't stop smiling, my eyes are shining and I look like the cat that got the cream !!

There's a 1000 questions now though. Where, when, how many, bridesmaids, best man, timing, health..... All things to consider. We started to think that maybe New Year's would be good.... But then what if my treatment leaves me weak & 'sans' hair .... a wig on a 38C day might not be a good idea!! But I want my family to all be able to come & we're all going to be together in NZ for Christmas.... So do we wait another year ?? We also want Dirk's family to all be there too so overseas is probably not ideal either...

I've never been a Muriel's Wedding type of girl. I have never put any thought into my wedding plans, dresses, rings or anything. So now I'm inundated with thought of "shit, where do I start ?" I've been to some pretty fantastic weddings in my time, so if I take all the things I've liked along the way, I'll start there. It's at times like these though, that you wish you had your mum & sister closer :-( even one of my bloody bridesmaids is in Dubai !! Looks like its me & Snapper !!! Nix has already bought me Martha Stewarts wedding planning magazine so I have a great bible to work from !! Thanks Nickers xx talking of which, she left me on Friday :-( back to Dubai and her amazing life !! It was sooo good to have her here. Thank you my gorgeous friend for being here. Love ya heaps xxxxxx

I started cycle 2 yesterday. Big drug day !! Some of everything. I felt mostly ok. By the afternoon I was a little jittery, so I took myself off to Garden City for a meander around. I'm going to get a name for myself as a spaced out girl that walks around, bumping into things and shaking !! But I find it takes my mind off things. I'm not sure Dirk is happy about the purchases made under the affects !! Haha .... at least I have a good excuse !! And a quick glance every now and again at the bling on my left hand certainly lessens the pain :-)

Day21...

The Start of it All......

I can't actually remember how it all started (or when) I remember thinking my back was getting sore (or weak as I kept telling Dirk - my partner) around Novemeber 2011 time.... I thought it was to do with my weight loss as I'd had gastric sleeve surgery in July and had lost 30 odd kg's by Nov.
I really started to notice it in Dec when I went home to England to surprise mum & dad with a "get better soon" hug. Mum was going through all her liver problems (on top of her cancer) and was just not getting better, I needed to see her more than anything.
By the time I left UK, I was hobbling and limping. The journey home was a nightmare as I had heavy cases & had to walk everywhere.
On return to Oz, it all seemed to just get worse by the day, so I went to see a Physio. He suggested I had a posterially rotated sacral iliac left sacrum joint. So I started exercises, bought a SIJ belt and continued on.
After a couple of weeks it was worse still. My sis was here with her kids from NZ for Christmas & I was struggling to sleep yet alone walk !! I ended up going to see a different Physio, purely as he was closer to home, and after 3 treatments he asked if I'd go for an MRI.
Yep, no problems, I thought, just get this bloody back sorted out !!!
Had the MRI on 11th Jan 2011 and then just waited for the report. My physio called me at 7.30am on Thursday morning saying he thought I'd better go to see my GP as the report had shown up something he didn't think was something he could treat. He said he's fax the report to my Dr and that I should call for an appointment.
I just assumed there was some bone issue that was out of the realms of physio treatment. So called my GP and as soon as I mentioned the fax report they asked me to come in immediately.
At midday, I sat in my Dr's office talking about my weight loss and recent happenings (as I hadn't been to the Dr's for about 7-8 months) and then he told me I would need to go and see a haematologist. He showed me the report (which was full of jargon words I didn't understand at all, but then ending with a summary that said "...... consistent with Multiple Myeloma" still this meant nothing. But as my Dr started to talk I realised something wasn't quite right. I asked him.... "is this like cancer of the blood?" he looked at me and said "my dear, lets not jump ahead, we need to rule out all possibilities"
He tried then to get me an appointment with a haematologist. Urgently!
It wasn't until I got back in my car and started to drive home that it began to dawn on me that things weren't as they should be..... I called Dirk and broke down into tears. He was on his way home immediately.
The waiting for appointments is the worst thing of all. I needed answers now, but obviously so does everyone else. I heard nothing for the rest of Thursday and Friday, so I called my Dr back and he jumped to action and got me an appointment with the haematologist for the following Tuesday. Along with blood tests etc o the same day.
Then it was into hospital for 3 days of tests.
First day was an X-Ray....
Second day was a bone marrow biopsy and bone core sample. (a bit like exploration drilling for iron ore but in my back - take a core sample and send it off to the lab !!)
Third day was the CT scan & tissue biopsy.
None of them were really as bad as I thought they'd be, just uncomfortable. And when all you want is answers then you will sit through anything.
My specialist (Dr Ben) cam back later that afternoon with the results of "most" of the tests. Things were looking good. So far there were no signs of irregularities in my results to indicate anything. Bloods, bone marrow plasma etc etc all normal range.
So over that weekend we were feeling pretty hopeful. I still didn't say too much as I hadn't told my family. It would be ridiculous to put them through more stress until I had the all clear and could then relay the "story"
On Monday at work, I was feeling so positive, I started to tell my work colleagues about the previous 2 weeks. I kind of wanted them to understand that if I'd been a bit all over the place, they could see why. Not an excuse, but I think a few things at work had got missed.... I was feeling a bit guilty about it all.
Tuesday at 5pm I had my final results from the other tests. Dirk met me at Dr Ben's office and we sat waiting discussing our days so far. We walked in around 5:10pm and sat down. He looked at me and said...

 "unfortunately the results have come back showing Multiple Myeloma"

We were absolutely gobsmacked. I told him I didn't understand, all the previous tests were showing "normal ranges in my blood" He went on to explain the more stringent tests that had been performed which show up a rarer type of Myeloma called non-secretery Multiple Myeloma (NSMM) Harder to detect, but still there.
It was at this point that I think it really started to hit me. Dirk & I had gone through so many emotions in the past two weeks, but nothing prepares you for this moment. All you can do is take a deep breath and keep listening to the diagnosis. How it is going to change your life and whats next.....
And at the same time... all I could think of was how I would tell my family.... how could they cope with another cancer diagnosis in the family in one year ?
After an hour of listening and asking as many questions as we could think of, the decision was to start chemo immediately. I was going onto a cocktail of CTD (cyclophosphamide, thalidomide, dexamethasone) There were forms to fill in and registration number to obtain from the drug company before you can even get a prescription. So it was straight into it. Dr Ben said he'd call me the next day so I could go back in and pick everything up....... and so then we went home.


Looking back to 5 days ago (as I write this) I can't really remember the rest of Tuesday evening. Dirk is amazing and all I know is that he is right there next to me. We hugged, cried, stared a lot and then carried on berating each other as normal !
Wednesday, I got up and went to work. I needed to keep my mind busy and occupied with the day to day stuff that had built up at work. Telling people was hard - especially as I'd pretty much told most people that I was clear. But as always, there's a reason we are called "human kind" the support, kindness and love that everyone showed was overwhelming. I realised how lucky I was to be working in a company that fully supported me both personally and professionally.
Wednesday evening as I drove home from work (as it happened, I couldn't pick up my chemo drugs as the registration hadn't come through) I knew it was time to call home. Dirk was at cricket training so I walked in the door and picked up the phone.
Dad answered, he quickly asked how my back was going so it was straight into the explanation. Needless to say, it was a heart wrenching call. To put that to your dad when they are 25,000kms away and no chance of a hug for comfort is hard. Dad put me straight onto mum as she was obviously watching dad on the phone but couldn't hear what was being said..... so I repeated the news to mum. I didn't want to hang up, but knew they would need some time to process the news. I called them back after an hour and we had a better chat. I wanted them to know how strong and positive I am, that I have Dirk and my friends here and that I'm certainly not alone..... and most importantly that I was going to beat it - I was OK.
We decided that with the time difference, whoever got to speak to Jo or James first would break the news. Jo was on her way home from UK back to NZ after a flying hug visit to see mum. James was in London for work and I didn't want him to find out during his working day.....
I actually felt so much better after speaking to mum and dad. I'm not 100% sure they felt the same, however once we had got over the initial shock, it was very much a "chin up" attitude. 


Thursday was Australia Day - we'd planned to have our housewarming / xmas party on this day. It was going to be 42C and I was cooking 7 roasts !! (for hot roast rolls !! yes I'm an idiot) It was so nice having everyone around - bloody stinking hot, the pool gradually went from quite refreshing to tepid bath water temperature. But, I think it went ok.... hopefully I didn't put a dampener on the mood, but I don't think I did. The wines stayed chilled and when the fireworks started so did mother nature's lightening show too.

I ended up doing a runner to bed halfway through a really nice glass of Henschke Kyneton 2008 with Kim (Dirk's brother) but never mind hey !! ;-)


Drug pick up day was to be Friday.......