Close your eyes and pretend it's all a bad dream......That's how I get by....... (Jack Sparrow)

So not the best of times this week. Shaking, jitters, tingling teeth & gums, bad taste buds, fuzzy thoughts and the WORST mood swings..... I have been so irritable it's giving me the shits !! I just want to feel normal. I'm sick of people asking how I am and I'm sick of sympathetic looks and sighs. I don't feel like talking about it and I don't want to sit and discuss options on how to possibly "manage" the feelings with diet, exercise or meditation !! I just want to go back to normal....... People being nice to me is making me feel worse. It makes you wonder if telling the whole world about things is always the right decision.... I mean, if I hadn't told anyone, no-one would be treating me any differently. But then, where would I be without all of the support I've already  received? Being alone at the moment is the only place I feel calm. It's the only place I don't have to worry about other people worrying about me.....
I don't mean to sound ungrateful or mean, I'm just telling it how it is. I would do anything to be feeling all warm, fluffy and fuzzy about things. Even pathetic and sorry for myself with Dirk pandering to my every whim would feel better than Jekyll & Hyde !! But I just don't want any of it right now. I keep taking deep breaths and counting to ten...... maybe counting to 100 would be a better idea !!

So what do you do in situations like this?.... shut down and hope it all goes away? ...... carry on and hope that not too many people notice? ......who knows.... I suppose the latter is more my style. There'll be certain people that have to suffer alongside me in silence, and there'll be those that stay well away until it's passed. .....And then I'll be over it (hopefully) & it'll be forgotten. Work is helping. I've had a full-on week with loads to do, so have had that to take my mind off things. But amongst all of the work I've been shaking like a leaf and barely able to cope with the waves of chemicals and emotions swimming about me. All I can do is pray that I get used to it all quickly and it doesn't get any worse than this. I go to see Dr B on Wednesday so will check in with him that this is "normal"

I've just re-read everything back.... it's a bit glum. So I went looking for something to help change my thinking... I found this from Lance Armstrong:

"Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever."

Quite appropriate I think. And time to get out of the doom and gloom. I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and get back on track. It's nearly the weekend and there's nothing better than a relaxing couple of days in the sun. We have a friend popping in for a visit on Saturday which should be a laugh. He's over from UK and is an old school friend - I say old because he's much older than I am !! Be good to kick back with a few wines on Sat evening and laugh about stuff. I think a few friends over for a BBQ is in order. (if they dare !!) haha.... and if I feel like crap, I'll take myself away to a quiet spot and let them enjoy my lovely fiancée's company. What more could they want !!

Day27....