Go, go, go, Shawty..... Cause it's your birthday..... We gonna party like it's yo birthday......

Probably won't sip Bacardi like it's MY birthday..... but we'll have a good time.

Yesterday (Monday now) was an absolute wipeout of a day. Oh... Em... Gee !! What a trip. There was nothing anyone could do to help. Nothing I wanted and nothing I wanted to talk about. All I wanted was to be left alone to ride it out. To say I felt like shite is an understatement. I have never felt so bad. But again, not in a sick way. My body was swimming with the feelings of chemicals. My head was so foggy, I couldn't stop shaking, every nerve ending was buzzing, I wasn't tired, didn't want to eat, could hardly talk or concentrate.... looking back I can hardly remember being at work in the morning. I think I need to get a new contract signed that allows any decisions that are made during chemo allowed to be changed without notice !! Just in case.

The afternoon was spent dozing and checking emails in between. Always conscious of missing work or letting people down. Yesterday I got a lift in to work. Was still a bit fuzzy and wooly but by crikey's ... No where near as bad !!

I still haven't got back to half the people that have called or messaged me so far. Is that bad ? I guess it's just the thought of being upbeat and positive when you may not actually be feeling that way at the time. Maybe I should start up some conference calls and have some group chats :-) could be a right laugh !!

Dirk's birthday ... it was a slow start to to the day. But by the evening, we had presents, cards & I even baked him a cake !! Yes I did !! We had a fab night out at a groovy little Vietnamese Tapas restaurant. A romantic table for five in the private dining room and a good giggle. I think Dirk had a good time. He's struggling with it all at the moment though. There comes a point when reality hits. And for Dirk, it's been this week. You start to think about what's ahead and then your mind plays games with you throwing out random negative scenarios ... It all gets twisted in your mind and you start to feel claustrophobic. I think that's how Dirk is feeling. (I could be wrong) all I know is that I'm so bloody lucky to have him.

Day17....