I'm on my way ... from misery to happiness today ... Uh huh .. Ah ha ... Uh huh.... Ah ha ...

I realised today that cancer isn't as scary when you actually have it, than it is for the people around you. When mum was diagnosed a year ago this week it took me about 2 months to even say or write the word. But when it's yourself you just accept it ... like the flu or a cold, you just carry on. For everyone else it's a big hairy monster. Something that you cant fix for them you just have to sit on the perimeter and be there It is still a little scary for me too in a way, but not as bad as I thought. I think I'm still more worried about mum than I am about myself. And for her it's probably the other way around too.

I had a day at the races today for my friend's hens day. What a fab day. The girls looked classy and chic. It was fun and relaxing and great to catch up with people I'd not seen for too long. OK ...... Maaaybe I drank a little bit too much champers ..... And I miiigghhttt have done a runner .... but hey, after 8 hours of drinking who can blame me. I'm not as young as those kids I was out with anymore !! (joking. I think I've lost the knack!) ... Oh just checked my phone & I sent a text to advise ... See I'm not that bad !! And I bet no one else is up now (3am) wide awake. Unless those girls have kicked on and are shaking their booty at a club !! I wonder if they stayed classy & chic all night ?....... Hee hee !

Having such a close friend here has been "ay-may-zing" this past week. Nixon has flown in from Dubai to just be with me. No pressure, except she has become the water nazi .... just a friend for a hug and a mental pick me up. She's driven me around when I've been too fuzzy and I've loved every minute of seeing her. It's true what they say about friends.

"Though miles may lie between us, we're never far apart, for friendship doesn't count the miles, it's measured by the heart."

I don't think I could count the number of messages and words of support I have received over the past month. I am so completely overwhelmed by it all. People from all over the world and from as far back as "infant's school" have sent messages. Along with new friends and even friends of friends ! It's incredible how people reach out to you. I've had texts, phone calls, emails, letters (yes the written type that arrive in the mail box), hugs, flowers, FB messages galore .... You name it. And I've loved every single message. Thank you :-) it's nice to know that I may have touched someone's life in a way that was once special and that they remembered it. Sentimental I know but at 5:07am that's how I'm now feeling.

And then there's Dirk .... My absolute soul mate. I could never get through any of this without him. He is patient, kind, supportive, loving, funny and so much more. I cannot think of how I would be without him. I'm the luckiest girl in the world...... Love is a wonderful thing.
(I'll probably get into trouble for baring my soul like that. But some things just have to be said. And in the past few days I've said things to him that probably shouldn't have been said too.)

I've cried five times today, but I've smiled and laughed more than I could count. So all in all not a bad day. It was big drug day today too, took all three in bulk. I was supposed to double up on the Thalidomide too, but my carers thought I'd better not !! Can't think why !!! I think most of the effects are happening now. I'm absolutely knackered and wide awake. My eyes are drooping but I can't stop the brain and my limbs are buzzing. I can feel it in my blood. It's working it's magic :-)

It's now Sunday, and I'm looking forward to a lovely lunchtime catch up with friends. Maybe a few less champers than yesterday and a few more waters on order. But sitting overlooking the river will be gorgeous. Sunshine, views and fab friends. That's what it's all about ....

Day15....