My Chemical Romance....

Woahhhhh .... bloody hell....!! Talk about a smack around the face with a wet kipper (in that I need one !!) I've woken up with the fuzziest of feelings today. In fact as I write this I could actually still be back in bed asleep. I have no idea !! I'd ask someone to come and pinch me to see if I'm actually here at work, but I'm afraid of the long queue that might start to form outside my office.
I thought I'd slept ok last night, but looking back there were quite a few broken hours, I remember 4am, 5am and 6am..... but the feeling of sluggishness in my body is like nothing I've ever experienced. My legs, arms and head feel like they are full of sludge....
On a brighter note, I'm pretty sure the tumours in my back are getting better. There is definitely less and less pain now. I'm not hobbling as much and it's getting gradually easier to move around. Shrink you bastards!! Be off wi ya !! - that's for you Jo ;-) It's been ages since I've worn a good pair of heels to work. Be nice to get them back on.

Still looking for that elusive dress for my friend's wedding (Kasey, that's you) Now that I'm going, I want it to be like "wow" - nothing that would outdo the most gorgeous bride of course, but I'm hoping to have tipped 40kg's by March, so will be a bit of a "reveal" too....

There is really very little information on Multiple Myeloma in Australia. And even less for the Perth area. I can't find much at all within Australian sites. I'm really looking forward to meeting a friend's mum on Saturday to chat. Just being able to hear someone else's experiences and ask any questions is going to really help me. I was thinking last night about it all, it's so hard to comprehend that this isn't just a temporary situation. It's not just going to be gone away in a couple of weeks..... I have absolutely no idea what to expect. I actually really truly believe I'm going to be fine and strong (and all that stuff) but it still seems so unreal.... I mean really ? for the rest of my life?

It's got the better of me today... I just couldn't focus at work a all. The feelings from the drugs are so strong today and it's freaking me out a bit. I'm not in any pain, not nauseous or headachey or anything, but the feeling of blood slushing around my body is beyond anything I've ever felt before. I can't sleep, rest or relax. So I've just been lying in bed, occasionally checking emails and willing the buzzing to stop. I know it's just part of getting used to it all. There's nothing anyone can do, I'm not feeling sorry for myself. I'm just .... Getting used to it. From everything I've read so far, I'm not experiencing anything unusual. It just is what it is. But FARK !! Stop now, I've had enough.... I want to get off !!

Maybe I'll go for a walk with my camera.... Or late night shopping ... Now there's an idea :-)

Day6....

Spent the past hour in Garden City wandering around in a daze... hobbling around until I saw my reflection in a mirror and thought... "what a twat" !! I looked pathetic.... and probably miserable too. So I stood up straight and pretended there was nothing wrong at all. OK so my back was actually aching quite a bit, but there was no need to be quite as obvious. I managed to put a smile on my face and purchase a nice new little black skirt for work. Browsed around for a little longer then thought, fuck it... I know what will make me feel better.....

.... and so here I am again, on my balcony watching the rain with a glass of wine :-) ahhhhh all is right with the world again !! heh heh .....